Posted on 04/22/2018 11:48:52 AM PDT by Hostage
A male friend from my community has a shared custody arrangement of his son who at 10 years old is similar in age to my own son. The father and I have known each other for seven years and we have developed a friendship.
This is a summary of events the father has shared with me over the past several years. He is pretty closed lip but knows I can be trusted to keep his personal matters private. We share a lot as our boys are often in the same activities together like baseball, karate, biking. I try to be helpful where I can.
As a Christian, he was distressed by a long divorce process that left him shaken by the court system and by the power of Child Protective Services (CPS) which at one time his ex-wife had called in to investigate him on false charges as a ploy to get full custody. This is I think a fairly typical story but later circumstances involving a counseling network and CPS appear unique or at least not part of my knowledge base.
He seemed particularly fearful of CPS and the damage they could do to innocent parents. He survived CPS but came away wanting to avoid them in any way possible. He said they have no duty to families or to truth-seeking, only to the state statutes that govern them. I would not expect it to be different.
He had wanted to relocate but the joint custody order would not allow either parent to have the child removed from the county, even temporarily for visitation, without the court's permission. He was as fearful of the family court system as he was of CPS. He felt he had received a good deal in comparison to other fathers and didn't wish to press his luck. So he was stuck.
His ex-wife found a boyfriend that she moved in with. During initial periods of visitation with the mother, the child appeared to be fine with the arrangement, happy to have attention showered on him in both households.
After a time, the mother's boyfriend became hostile toward the child leaving the child not wanting to go see his mother. This left the father in a crisis because he could not violate the parenting court order and yet his child was begging to not go see the mother.
The father who is a capable individual and fairly strong in demeanor becomes cowed at the prospect of going to family court. He becomes a different sort of man when matters of family court occupy his thoughts. He changes from a strong male to a cowering wimp. He will not directly talk to his ex-wife. He communicates with her only by email so as to leave a record should it ever be necessary to appear in family court. In each email response, he says he measures every word he writes knowing that the emails can appear as exhibits in court motions. To that, I have to say he is smart. From his private conversations with me, I heard he at one time had a very capable attorney which I imagine helped him stay out of trouble.
He persuaded his son to visit his mother if he could somehow shorten the visits. The father says he was able to shorten the visits by agreement with the mother based on the child's activity schedule; sports, camps, etc.
But over the course of about a year, the hostility of the ex-wife's boyfriend turned to abuse. The abuse was both psychological and physical. For example, the father says his son was told to stay in his room an entire day with nothing to read or look at because he had apparently not shown the proper level of respect to the mother's boyfriend. The father says at one point the boyfriend allegedly lifted him up by his neck to tell him eye-to-eye that if he ever looked showed disrespect again, that the boyfriend would kill him. But no visible marks remained after alleged incidents of physical abuse. According to the father, his son trembled with fear at the prospect of returning to his mother's for visitation. At one point there was an argument between the mother and the boyfriend that resulted in a 911 call. This was, according to the father, hard evidence that he could use in court to show an unsafe environment existed at the residence of the mother.
But this story is not so much about problems in a divorced family as it is about how family counseling and the state can make a bad situation worse.
My friend felt strongly but reluctantly that he had to go to court and bring this to the court's attention but he was still fearful. I admired his facing the responsibility to stand up for his son. He asked me for feedback. I told him he might need to consider a third-party evaluation of his son to obtain objective evidence for the court to weigh. He said that was what he would do.
A few weeks later I saw him at baseball practice where our sons were on the same team. I asked him how things were going and he told me that things were awful and that he was keeping a low profile everywhere he went. He wouldn't answer his phone, he wouldn't answer his door, he had to screen most everything. He said he was fearful even to bring his son to baseball practice.
He had a hired a 'Christian Family Counselor' to hear his son give testimony about the mother's boyfriend. He wanted to have a record for the court of the counseling testimony and if necessary, he might need the counselor to appear in court to testify. According to him, things started out very well with the family counselor as a clear understanding was reached for the purpose of the counseling (court case evidence). He told me the counselor was young but very positive and seemingly competent. He said his son was very happy with the counselor and was thankful to his father for bringing him to the counseling sessions.
The clinic was a part of a Christian counseling network. The father told me he thought that a Christian clinic would be less inclined to heighten conflicts like some attorney firms would do in order to churn out more billable hours. Using a Christian network, he thought the process would somehow be more gentle.
On the second visit to the counselor, he told me the counselor concluded the session with his son and came to the lobby to tell the father to meet him in his office. In the office, the father was told that the counselor had obtained from his son a record of alleged abuse and that he had a duty, that he was required by the state to report to the state's CPS that child abuse was occurring in the mother's home. The counselor said he would need the child's social security number and his date of birth. The father said he didn't know his son's SSN off hand. The father hurriedly left the counseling clinic after promising he would email that information.
Then the father went quiet. He never emailed the information to the counselor and left an after-hours message to the counselor that he wasn't happy with the counseling rendered and would be seeking a different counselor.
He told me that CPS has no duty to God, their only duty is to the State. He said he was appalled that a HIPAA regulated service such as family counseling would inflame a family conflict thereby possibly rendering a delicate situation into a monstrous spectacle. All he wanted was an evaluation letter from the counselor, not an intervention by CPS.
I asked him why he thought CPS could not be trusted to investigate the mother's boyfriend.
Apparently, CPS interviews all parties during an investigation and treats all parties as suspects.
The father told me he simply couldn't take the risk. He said the risk was high that CPS would turn his life and the life of his son upside down. Unlike dealing with law enforcement, there is not a clear right to have an attorney present when talking with CPS investigators. Actually, there is a means for legal representation, but it's not generally known or manageable as CPS has authority beyond law enforcement to take a child in the 'interest' of the child, without a clear warrant.
Sad.
This is easy, get a few hundred dollars worth of Crystal Meth, needles,... put it in their cars glove box, next peel off the registration sticker so they get pulled over as soon as the first cop sees them.
Problem Solved
https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubpdfs/manda.pdf
Mandatory Reporters of Child Abuse and Neglect
What’s Inside
Professionals required to report
Reporting by other persons
Institutional responsibility to report
Standards for making a report
Privileged communications
Inclusion of reporter’s name in the report
Disclosure of reporter’s identity
Summaries of State laws
To find statute information for a particular State, go to:
https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/systemwide/laws-policies/state/
My Daughters egg donor called CPS on me Twice, I won and got Full Custody and she got Monitored visitation at MY discretion. this was 23 years ago
Judges tend to have favorite child therapists that they trust. This is necessary as their are a lot of bad therapists out there who have no grasp of the reality of life.
I usually find out who the judges favorite is and hire them for opinions in divorce cases where I see a problem.
Your being cautious is wise. If necessary, use a school counselor as a third party to report problems in order to keep you in the clear.
Washington State
Professionals Required to Report
Rev. Code § 26.44.030
The following persons are required to report:
• Practitioners, county coroners, or medical examiners
• Law enforcement officers
• Professional school personnel
• Registered or licensed nurses, social service counselors, psychologists, or pharmacists
• Employees of the Department of Early Learning
• Licensed or certified child care providers or their employees
• Employees of the Department of Social and Health Services
• Juvenile probation officers
• Placement and liaison specialists, responsible living skills program staff, or HOPE center staff
• State family and children’s ombudsman or any volunteer in the ombudsman’s office
• Persons who supervise employees or volunteers who train, educate, coach, or counsel children or have regular unsupervised
access to children
• Department of Corrections personnel
• Any adult with whom a child resides
• Guardians ad litem and court-appointed special advocates
The reporting requirement also applies to administrative and academic or athletic department employees, including student
employees, of public and private institutions of higher education.
Reporting by Other Persons
Rev. Code § 26.44.030
Any person who has reasonable cause to believe that a child has suffered abuse or neglect may report.
Institutional Responsibility to Report
This issue is not addressed in the statutes reviewed.
Standards for Making a Report
Rev. Code § 26.44.030
A report is required when:
• A reporter has reasonable cause to believe that a child has suffered abuse or neglect.
• Any person, in his or her official supervisory capacity with a nonprofit or for-profit organization, has reasonable cause to
believe that a child has suffered abuse or neglect caused by a person over whom he or she regularly exercises supervisory
authority.
• Department of Corrections personnel observe offenders or the children with whom the offenders are in contact, and as a
result of these observations have reasonable cause to believe that a child has suffered abuse or neglect.
• Any adult has reasonable cause to believe that a child who resides with them has suffered severe abuse.
Privileged Communications
Rev. Code §§ 26.44.030; 26.44.060
No one shall be required to report when he or she obtains the information solely as a result of a privileged communication.
Information considered privileged by statute and not directly related to reports required by this section must not be divulged without a valid written waiver of the privilege.
Conduct conforming with reporting requirements shall not be deemed a violation of the confidential communication privilege of §§ 5.60.060 (3) and (4) [pertaining to clergy-penitent and physician-patient privilege], 18.53.200 [pertaining to optometrist-patient privilege], and 18.83.110 [pertaining to psychologist-client privilege].
Inclusion of Reporter’s Name in Report
Rev. Code § 26.44.030
The department shall make reasonable efforts to learn the name, address, and telephone number of the reporter.
Disclosure of Reporter Identity
Rev. Code § 26.44.030
The department shall provide assurances of appropriate confidentiality of the identification of persons reporting under this section.
Washington State
No one shall be required to report when he or she obtains the information solely as a result of a privileged communication.
Information considered privileged by statute and not directly related to reports required by this section must not be divulged without a valid written waiver of the privilege.
Children taken out of abusive homes tended to go into far more abusive foster homes, for one. My wife, who taught LD kids for 35 years reached the same conclusions independently.She fulfilled the legal requirements as a teacher but felt strong misgivings doing so as too many reports to authorities resulted in worse situations for the affected child.
In a more recent situation I thought a child was indeed in immediate danger of his life and called police with evidence and nothing at all happened. The husband a year later shot his wife in front of the then two children and is now on death row at Raiford.
It can’t. Anyone with credentials to whom you might go is required to report to “authorities” if they suspect child abuse. Anyone without credentials cannot be used in court other than as a character witness. Such don’t usually have any value in the courtroom.
If he doesn’t report it, he is just as guilty as the abuser. I know, it sucks, my son went through all this stuff
Thanks for that information. It was very interesting and pertinent. Prayers for the kids you tried to protect. The system is a travesty.
That fits with the observation that has reached the level of maxim that the most dangerous person an a young child’s life is a mother’s boyfriend.
This is the best information.
That’s lawyers and priests.
“priests.”
Or clergy... Many “Christian Counselors” are “Pastoral Counselors” that may fall into this category. It’s different in each state.
“the most dangerous person an a young child’s life is a mother’s boyfriend.”
Especially if you have a daughter!!!
Yes, a lawyer, not any sort of “family counselor.”
In some states, even pastors are required to report such abuse. The father needs to get back to reality and allow the process to complete its course. I'm astonished the father didn't report the abuse himself. Too many kids are killed by 'boyfriends'.
Your friend needs to look at it from the point of view of the counselor he took his boy to. If state law requires counselors or doctors to report suspected abuse, then this counselor may have legal liability if the boy is later injured or killed. The state, and media, will come down very hard on anyone who knows, or even suspects abuse, but does nothing.
As a Christian, besides the legal, financial liability to him and his organization, this counselor may also feel a strong moral urge to act also. He who knows of evil, but does nothing, is guilty of the sin by omission
Moreover, what is your friend’s logic for not wanting the counselor to report this abuse? If this counselor has admission from the child - then WHY would your friend do nothing while his child is abused by another man??? Morever, such 3rd party documentation is what he was seeking earlier, was it not? It will only help your friend’s case in getting custody and control of his son.
I think he’s doing just what you described. He really is a responsible good parent from my view.
But here’s the problem.
A family court apparently gets allegations thrown about all the time and it’s not always easy to know who’s telling the truth.
The father in this story wanted to get evidence before getting an atty and going to court. He thought it would be less risky by going to a ‘Christian’ service. But the state controls Christian services the same as any other counseling service.
To me, it’s a chicken and egg problem, what comes first?
Your idea to get an atty is a good one but there is still a risk that going to court without evidence can mean the court will appoint an evaluator who will investigate both homes. The father in this case absolutely does not trust court evaluators any more than CPS investigators.
Congrats, you came out surviving and apparently doing the right thing.
I don’t know the CPS situation well enough to say that all CPS everywhere are the same.
The father in this story is a strong and responsible individual who has apparently been traumatized by what’s he seen with CPS in his jurisdiction. He doesn’t say they are bad people, he says they basically shoot first and ask questions later.
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