Posted on 08/13/2015 9:27:31 PM PDT by imardmd1
My parents have been married for 61 years. My dad has always been the “tough” one. Last year when mom had her stroke he was the most doting, flustered man I’ve ever seen. He refused to leave her side in ICU except to run home for a shower every other day. He slept on a couch that he didn’t fit on (a feat for an 85 year old man) and hovered over her every waking moment. He lost 15 pounds in the two weeks she was in ICU.
Since she has recovered (mostly) he will not leave her home alone and has taken up much of the domestic work around the house. If she needs something but says she thinks it costs too much he says, “If you need it, we’ll get it.”
He’s an awesome example of keeping an oath.
One of the best things we did was attend a Gary Chapman Love Lanuages marriage conference. First time I ever heard a marriage counselor say that it’s possible to get the “tingles” (article here says increased heartbeat ) for someone other than your spouse. He also pointed out what to do when that happens. Avoid that person as much as possible.
I normally don’t like catchy phrases or systems, but his five love languages are spot on.
Love is:
1. A decision
2. An action
Mine, too. A class act to follow. Your dad exactly like mine. If I'd been like that, I'd still have been married 58 years, instead of only 14.
My husband and I will have been married for 32 years in November. It seems like yesterday that we met.
That’s wonderful!
I've never entered the second week of a relationship.
"I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?" (Job 31:1 AV). Whether married or single, a wandering eye is a wandering eye; a measure of an unreliable person--he can't be trusted.
So is a business plan, a poker move, or a suicide. The critical issue is whether the consequences desired were founded upon a realistic belief, or just a toss of the dice.
Been maried to the same girl , 53 years.
Perhaps it's because today you'll be treating each other as though it were a fact.
May you ever enjoy that feeling.
It’s nice for everyone to know of replies such as yours. Cheers!
don't i remember going to a wedding of yours once upon a time ... or was it the drugs?
So is a business plan, a poker move, or a suicide. The critical issue is whether the consequences desired were founded upon a realistic belief, or just a toss of the dice.
Thank you, imardmd1!
Number 6 is so important. Not long after my 30th anniversary, my husband left for a newer model. I’ve adapted, but in participating in a number of divorce groups, I hear so often that one or the other in a marriage assumed the end of, or change in, the honeymoon stage meant the choice of spouse was wrong after all.
I love hearing happily ever after stories. Keep them coming!
Driving a car is an action. It is something you do.
Cutting a steak is an action. It is something you do.
Incorporating an enterprise is an action. It is something you do.
Holding a hand rather than folding it is an action. It is something you do.
Is loving only an action? Is it only something you do? Was there any thought behind it?
I think your description of "love" is too narrow to classify "love" as something "different" than jumping out of a plane without a parachute (love for adventure), or impulsively buying a pit bull (love for animals).
Can you explain the difference of love for your husband/wife from the above, using only the elements of your hypothesis?
No, I thought not.
With respect --
It is sad.
I still say “yes, sir, yes, maam” and I get the strangest looks for that simple act of respect, and honor.
Civility is another of the lost treasures of this society.
An intelligent man/woman can be tough as shoe leather, argue with the devil himself, and still remain civil.
Ronald Reagan proved that his whole life.
My point is that, unlike love of animals or love of a sport, it is an action you do even when you don’t want to. It is an action. It means it is something you do, not a way you feel.
Judge a tree by its fruit - its actions.
And it is a decision. You may decide to love someone because of how they make you feel, but when you decide to love someone, you make a certain commitment to action. My definition sounds narrow, but it is very deep.
God chooses to love us not because of who we are but because of who he is. I choose to love my wife not because of who she is, but because of who I am and the decision I made. That decision brings with it a commitment. If you only love someone until they now longer make you feel good or love, it’s not love. And the funny thing is, when you DO love them regardless of who they are, you find yourself in a position where it is not a “love them even though they are a jerk” situation.
Uh-h-h-h-h
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