I don’t mean to cause a flame war, but I wanted to ask a serious question among FReepers who are older and wiser than my 33 years.
What about cohabitation is sinful insomuch as the act itself? Is it that cohabitation between a man and a woman is immediately considered sexual and therefore assumed to be sinful, or is there actual scriptural or canonical law that states that a man and a woman not ever live together before they wed?
I ask, because many young adults find it necessary if not convenient to “shack up” with another person, regardless of gender, leading to an overall lower cost of living, shared responsibilities, and the ability to be “free” of their parents while whittling social skills. I’m not saying that these young adults are not without sin, as it’s universally understood among youth culture that a man and a woman can’t just “be friends,” and if you’re living with someone of the opposite sex, it’s no holds barred.
My now-wife and I were living together for several years before we were married. She was in an abusive marriage before we met, and she could not find security in a home of her own, as her ex was a felon and had people who always knew where to find her. I drove a few vagabonds off my porch with a shotgun when she first moved in, but the situation ultimately benefited us both in the end; as she had the physical and financial security blanket in me and I had a house frau and friend in her. The first year was a very cordial, very innocent relationship that blossomed into a loving friendship and ultimately a marriage after her ex was found dead of a drug overdose.
My point is that it seems to me, as an outsider, that there are assumptions being made as to the relationship between cohabitating adults of dissimilar gender. I wonder if there are exceptions permitted when it benefits the life of a person or if the ultimate assumption is that they’re going to have sex at some point so why even bother cohabitating in the first place?
Inquiring minds genuinely want to know.
Your experience excepted, I think that “cohabitation” can usually be assumed to include sexual relations. We live in an age where sexual relations are to be sought exclusively within marriage no longer exists. But even in purely “plutonic” cohabitation there are two dangers. The first is that the temptations set up in such a relationship are just too great. The second is, even if chastity is maintained, it postpones the goal of a true marriage. Especially for women, given the biological realities, this can be a serious risk. Contrary to the present expectations, young adults should be encouraged to find a spouse, marry and start a family earlier rather than latter.
Even in legal, political, and (some) service occupations where trust is crucial, an oath is taken as a public acknowledgement that there is a foundation of trust.
If everyone in the world was psychologically stable and emotionally secure, you'd be right, there'd be no need for a formal oath-taking; but when women and men completely expose their physical and emotional needs, they introduce insecurity into their conscious thinking. And we all know that insecurity is debilitating.
A person involved in a formally committed relationship - whether it be a man, a woman, or the child of two parents - has a better chance of successfully managing his/her life because they deal with challenges and difficulties at a higher, more focused level.
With respect to a belief in God, this trust is more accurately termed "faith".
You have asked a huge question for which you will find much ‘opinion’ here from Freepers and elsewhere. Since you have asked specifically about the ‘sin’ aspect of this, what you need to do is to first find out exactly what the Bible says about this matter. Start by studying these verses…. Hebrews 13:4 “ Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” 1 Corinthians 6:16 “What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.” Matthew 5:32 “But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.” Mark 11:11 “And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. 12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.” Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Matthew 19:4 “And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”p/p>
And once you’ve considered those verses, go to a good Bible resource like bible gateway and do a search on the word ‘adultery’ since you will very quickly see that this ties in quite closely with your question. Here’s the link for bible gateway…. http://www.biblegateway.com/keyword/?search=adultery&version=KJV&searchtype=all . And once you’ve done all that, go to 1 Corinthians 7 and use this as a start for how God states is the proper way that mankind is to view marriage.
Back to your original question, there has to be an understanding of some basic principles and terminology here before you can go further with this…… First, understand that God treats marriage very very seriously. Marriage in the Bible is not defined as being the relationship that happens after a wedding ceremony…..it is defined in terms of being ‘one flesh’ and that implies the sexual relationship. Every culture has its ways of doing things with regards to marriage….the common denominator is that the sexual relationship is what defines marriage, nothing else. Thus if you belong to a culture which didn’t do the practice of wedding ceremonies etc. at all and the man and the woman just started living together as husband and wife, the Bible has no problem with this if it is very clear that this is a couple who were virgins but and have mutually decided to take that step to be the exclusive sexual partners of each other. In other words, this is simple a marriage without a wedding ceremony. From the first time the couple has sex, they are indeed permanently married. The implications of this understanding are profound…. The verse in 1 Corinthians 6 effectively is saying that if a person has sex with a prostitute, he has married the prostitute. And in the case of living or marrying somebody who was previously married, the individual is committing adultery…. This goes back to the seriousness with which God treats the subject as laid out from the very beginning in Genesis “…what God has joined together, let not many put asunder” (and that includes the couple themselves). Also have a look at the answer to these two questions which were found on Focus on the Family…. http://family.custhelp.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/26208/session/L3RpbWUvMTM4NzIwMzUyMC9zaWQvN2k1TmNaSGw%3D and http://family.custhelp.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/26520/session/L3RpbWUvMTM4NzIwMzUyMC9zaWQvN2k1TmNaSGw%3D Note in the answer to the second question the argument that is laid out…. Technically speaking, you’ve raised a very interesting question. Consistent with the point you’ve made in connection with Genesis 2:25 and 1 Corinthians 6:16, Jesus appears to teach (in Matthew 19:6) that divorce in the absolute sense is a physical and spiritual impossibility. In other words, He seems to say that the union created through sexual intercourse is in some sense unbreakable: “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” In the verses that follow, Christ expands on this idea by suggesting that, in actuality, divorce has never been anything but a sort of “legal fiction.” It’s a formal concession to human sin, weakness, and hardness of heart that can never really undo the organic connection established when a man and woman become “one flesh.” If this is true, then the answer to your question is that, in God’s eyes, a divorce can never “begin” at all. It can’t begin if it doesn’t actually exist.
If you want to discuss this further offline, send me a private reply...