Luna, I agree that she is experiencing problems because she is being judged by others. It is easy to say, who cares? But of course, the “others” are her peers in her mormon family, her peers at her mormon barracks, her religion that requires performance to achieve the highest levels of heaven, “marriage to her husband in eternity”, entrance into a temple to see her kids married some day, elders overseeing her, obedience at every turn and the expectation that she will smile and be happy.
All of those things stem from her religion in the heresy of mormonism.
Now, I’m not a woman and can’t speak directly to what it is like to go through that, and I’ve never been trapped in mormonism. I do have friends here who have been on the hamster wheel of mormon worthiness and they may want to comment.
cc: colorcountry, greyfoxx39, reaganaut, all delightful women of God who now know His truth. If any of you would like to comment about your own experience inside the mormonic borg of performance as a woman, feel free. If not, I understand.
I'm a never-been-married LDS woman pushing 40. My chances of getting married probably aren't that great. Do I feel as though I can't get into the highest level of Heaven because I don't have a husband? Nope! Why? Because I have hope in Christ. He is the Way.
I've never felt pressue by my male leaders to be perfect, to get married, to go to the temple, to pay more than just tithing, to do this, to do that. I've turned down a calling before and didn't get in trouble for it.
I just want LDS women to know that they don't have to put the pressure on themselves. Do the best you can with what you have and leave the rest to God. Everybody's "best" is going to be different.
obedience at every turn
God wants men and women both to obey His commandments. We're His children and He wants all of us to return back to Him. I think that God has a special place in His heart for His daughters. I think it pains Him to see these women push themselves into depression when it doesn't have to be that way.
When I was a young Mormon mother of 5, yes 5 children, I was under so much pressure. I exercised every day to keep my weight at 130 pounds, I baked bread three times a week, I rotated cleaning one of my three bathrooms every third day, so I cleaned a bathroom every day. I washed three loads of laundry every day, and mopped my bathroom and kitchen floors every other day. Every day was the focus of special cleaning for one of the rooms in my house so that I could keep up with continual cleaning. This was all done in order that I would keep the appearances of a good, clean, Godly woman.
I had five children ranging in ages from pre-school to Junior High. I had three boys in baseball, and a daughter in dance and Cheerleading. They all needed to get to practices and games, so that there was a great deal of driving, running and coordinating. Then there was the homework - endless homework with the kids and keeping them at their ultimate performance...this so that we could show how successful, good and Godly we were.
Sundays were their own special kind of hell. Hair washed and curled, dressed in the best fashion in proper dresses, ironed shirts and ties, and arriving on time. Sundays dinner were a requisite, so roast, potatoes, dinner rolls, jello and salads were prepared before Church to be presented in Sunday best fashion when we returned home.
Oh, and did I tell you I worked full time? Yes, and so did my husband. He worked 7:00 to 4:00 and I worked from 4:00 to about 10:00 or more each night. We barely saw one another, but we tried very hard for date night. Date night for us was an Archery league where, you guessed it, I was under a supreme amount of pressure to hit the mark!
Eventually, I failed. I figured out that I was failing BIG TIME, no matter how hard I tried. I hit a point where my kids were failing, my marriage was failing, and my health was failing - and I just wanted to die, and even THAT was a big failure!
That’s when I was introduced to God and His GRACE, and He reached down to the very bottom of my deep, dark pit and breathed into me His life.
I have never, ever looked back upon my Mormonism. It is a trap, a horrible almost inescapable pit. But for Him, I would be dead in my sin, my trying, my ambition, my standing and my ego.