"ATTENTION: This week's revelation from the Planet Kolob is that soft-drinks are now OK to drink. However, do not spill them on the Sacred Underroos which as you know, have secret Masonic Symbols. This remains a sin. ALL mormons must now drink soft drinks publicly to make our religion look more "normal" and improve Mitt's odds of putting one of us into the White House. That is all. Obey."
