The short answer is that I was brought up and believed what you say about orders. If I ever was a priest, I still am.Over HERE you have a "priest", like me, believing and teaching the Real Presence and over THERE you have a "priest" pouring consecrated wine into the flower bed and another feeding consecrated bread to a dog. And both are EITHER insisting that what they teach, do and believe is "The" teaching of "the Church" OR saying, "Who cares? You do what you want, I'll do what I want."
This just seemed to me to be incompatible with the very notion of Church. Neither One, NOR holy, NOR catholic, NOR apostolic. So I headed for the tall grass, uh, I mean, Tiber.