Posted on 08/15/2003 7:12:44 AM PDT by ElkGroveDan
I feel ashamed. In the days following Arnold Schwarzenegger’s entry into the race to replace Gov. Gray Davis, I criticized him on talk radio, letters to the editor, and the Internet. But then I received a response on a bulletin board:
Arnold transcends partisan politics. He is the only Republican that can win without automatically getting recalled himself and creating long-term animosity towards Republicans in this highly Democratic state. And he is the only candidate who can bring the state together and heal the political rift after the recall.
Perhaps I’ve been wrong, I thought. I decided to ask around and keep an open mind. What I learned in talking to family, friends, and political observers shocked me. Arnold is like no other candidate e’ve seen in our state.
Arnold will realign California politics. He will balance the budget and keep the lights on. Democrats and Republican will unite around him. Arnold will provide daycare for our children. He will bring businesses back from other states.
Arnold is a man’s man — and a woman’s man, too. He never needs to ask for directions and always remembers his anniversary. Arnold’s ties never clash and his hair is always combed. Arnold uses no M.S.G. in his cooking. That’s the Arnold I’m learning about.
Arnold can program his VCR and he knows where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. Arnold will make the Palestinians and the Israelis get along. He’ll cure the sick and feed the hungry. Arnold brushes his teeth after every meal. No challenge is too great for Arnold.
Arnold’s cell phone never rings in public. He never gets up to use the restroom in the middle of a movie. Arnold never has more than eight items in the express checkout line at the supermarket, and he doesn’t top to write a check there, either. Arnold is quite a guy. He doesn’t drive for miles on the open highway with his turn signal blinking and he never drives too slowly in the fast lane. We can all get behind Arnold.
Arnold rescues kittens from trees, I tell you. He’s lots of fun. He tells good jokes. That’s the kind of guy Arnold is. Arnold never sends unsolicited e-mail. Arnold is a wonderful husband, a devoted father, and his dog never fouls the neighbors’ lawns. Bad breath? Forget it. Not Arnold!
Did you know Arnold can walk on water? And cure the common old. Earthquakes? Hah! Arnold isn’t afraid of earthquakes, or fires. or floods. Arnold will whip Mother Earth into shape and tell her who’s boss. Natural disasters will be a distant memory after Arnold takes harge.
Arnold is California’s salvation. It’s time we embraced him. It’s time e make him our governor, our leader, our demigod. It’s that important. We need Arnold for all of California’s troubles.
Who would oppose Arnold besides Gray Davis? Simon Legree, that’s who — and Ebeneezer Scrooge and Leona Helmsley. The rest of the world loves Arnold. Now is not the time to question Arnold.
Have you got a question for Arnold? It should be a nice one. Leave your mean rigid ideology at home. Don’t ask him about abortion, or the Second Amendment, or homosexual adoption, or big government hild care initiatives. No one likes a party pooper.
And don’t mention it if he gets caught in a lie or sounds evasive. Everyone loves Arnold. Look the other way if someone shows you unpleasant pictures of Arnold. If naked women ride around on Arnold’s shoulders, it must be good.
Arnold can do so much for us in so many ways there isn’t space to mention it all. In fact, there’s no time to mention anything he will do as governor. We must get back to cheering for Arnold.
Frank Duclos is a frequent contributor to California Political Review. .
If and when Arnold walks on water, his critics will shout, "Arnold can't swim!"
May liberal reporters go the way of the dinosaur... obsolete and extinct.
Glad to see that you are on board. If you keep cheering you won't hear anything negative about him.
Frank Duclos is a conservative commentator for a Conservative Journal. If you read carefully he is criticizing Liberal Arnold.
If the guy can pull warren Buffet then he must be very liberal. Buffet supports big-time liberals, Buffet adores abortion and funds it with big bucks. Buffet likes Hillary.
That makes Arnold either liberal or an idiot...or both.
DITTO..and that's exactly what has been going on here on FR.
...as liberal as Arnold may be, he isnt a dyed in the wool,baby killing,homosexual loving, black catering, N.O.W. suckup, Clinton blowing ,scum sucker democrat.
To which I replied:
Of course he's not. He's got an (R) after his name. Other than your omission of "gun-grabbing" from the list, I can barely disagree with your description.
If you criticize Arnold, you must automatically be a liberal.
Now that's about as Orwellian as we can get.
Arnold is being criticized for his liberal views. So that makes us liberal? Welcome to 1984.
Can't imagine how it could ever be a good deal. We replace a liberal governor of the other party that, and put an identical one in office and also put him charge of our party. No winners here, except for the GOP fifth column.
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