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Posted on 07/13/2003 11:34:31 AM PDT by UnklGene
WHY WE CHEAT
By SUSAN EDELMAN -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- FORBIDDEN PLEASURES: Some researchers believe changes in gender roles are prompting more married women to sleep around.
July 13, 2003 -- More women are cheating on their husbands - and doing it without remorse, sex researchers say. A stunning 90 percent of adulterous wives told one Manhattan researcher they suffered "no guilt," but rather felt "entitled" to the pleasure and excitement of their secret trysts, said Susan Shapiro Barash, a gender-studies professor and author.
"Women feel entitled because they're not getting what they need in the marriage. That's why women today have affairs," said Barash, who interviewed 120 wandering women for her recent book on female infidelity, "A Passion for More: Wives Reveal the Affairs that Make or Break their Marriages."
Based on her research, Barash contends that more than 60 percent of all married women will engage in at least one affair.
And many such women - despite socioeconomic differences - can empathize with someone like Kerry Kennedy Cuomo, Barash said.
In a breakup that rocked political and high-society circles, Kennedy Cuomo, 43, split two weeks ago from her husband of 13 years, Andrew Cuomo, over her alleged affair with randy restaurateur Bruce Colley, who is also married with children.
"These women would recognize her need - her desire to have more in her life than she had in her marriage," said Barash, who interviewed everyone from bus dispatchers, cops and stay-at-home moms to high-powered financiers, doctors and lawyers for her study.
"For the women who choose it, it's with great effort, so they really juggle the affair and somehow fit it in."
Barash found her sexually active subjects by posting ads in YWCAs and asking women who responded to refer friends who were having affairs.
Some therapists don't agree with Barash. They say many wandering women experience shame and regret - and seek help for adulterous urges.
"I have not witnessed a growing experience of 'entitlement.' Their conscience is bothering them," said Kristen Harrington, a marriage counselor who treats couples for infidelity in upstate Kingston.
But other experts agreed that more women today are determined to dally and less sorry about straying.
"I don't see women feeling a lot of guilt," said Baltimore psychologist Shirley Glass, whose book, "Not Just Friends: Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal," was published this year.
Like other daughters of sexually unfaithful fathers, Glass said, Kerry Kennedy Cuomo, the daughter of Robert Kennedy, could prefer that role rather than emulate mothers who serve as "martyrs" and "doormats."
Women with careers and financial resources can take more risks, she added: "If their partners find out, they can take care of themselves."
Glass also found surprising changes in men who mess around.
Traditionally, men's affairs were purely sexual, often involving a male in power enjoying "a little on the side" with a female subordinate.
"Now, men and women are working together as equals, with a lot of intellectual energy and common interests," Glass said. "It's a combination of emotional and sexual bonds. And it's more dangerous because it creates an alternative to the marriage, rather than just a supplement."
But equality hasn't erased the differences in why men and women cheat, other experts argue.
"Men have affairs to boost their self-esteem and because it's available. Their feelings are closely tied to their sexuality and potency," said Brooklyn psychologist Marcella Bakur Weiner.
"Women don't just want a night of joy and pleasure," she said. "No matter what the feminists say, women want love. They want emotional attachment and bonding."
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She only talked to 120 people. OK - so the equivalent is that I go down to North Alamo Street here in San Antonio, talk to 20 women I see on the street around midnight AND then I contend that at least 70% of American women have at one time been prostitutes.
The researcher's not a scientist. She's a floozy looking to justify her own issues in her own life.
Some women are trash, and always have been. There's been a major campaign in the last 30 years to turn all women into trash, and some have bought it, so there are probably more than there used to be (especially in Manhattan.) But most women aren't like this.
Visit a homeschooling convention sometime - it would cheer you up tremendously.
and then try to justify or rationalize our disgusting behavior.
Answer: Because we are pathetic
And 120 women in New York City no less. Probably "sex in the city" skank types. She most likely cheats on her husband because he forgets to put the toilet seat down.
I let the damned thing run for months, but it never did find a solution. |
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This explains a lot. I built this computer model once to figure out the flow dynamics in a system where 70% of the married men were cheating on their wives, while fourteen women in the entire United States cheated on their husbands.