Forget Halle - Southern men lust after grits

via Internet | July 10, 2003 | Tammy Carter

[stainlessbanner]

I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing. My husband Keith and our friend Keith had that longing look on their faces. I could see the drool dripping from their mouths and hear the desire in their voices.

If I didn't know better, I would have thought they were talking about Halle Berry or a classic Porsche. A stranger never would have guessed they were waxing poetic about a Southern delicacy: grits.

"My mother-in-law sent me eight boxes of Quaker Old Fashioned Grits from North Carolina," our friend says.

"Ohhh, man! You're kidding," my husband says as he licks his lips. "You can't find those here. I refuse to eat quick or instant grits."

"Why?" I ask. "Grits are grits."

They levitated from their seats, looking at me as if I were from Mars.

"It's not about the quickness of food," my husband says through gritted teeth, "it's about the taste. We know a fake pot of grits when we taste it."

Grits connoisseurs. Who knew?

I like grits. Old-fashioned, quick or instant -- all taste great to me. Like my father, I eat grits with butter, cheddar cheese and sugar.

"Noooooo!" both Keiths scream. "Never put sugar in your grits!"

"That's for Cream of Wheat," our friend says. Or oatmeal, my husband says with disdain. He hates oatmeal.

It appears I have a lot to learn about grits. Both men try to school me.

"With grits," my husband says, "consistency is key."

Our friend agrees. "Grits should not be runny," he says. "They should be stiff like mashed potatoes."

"They don't have to be stiff like mashed potatoes," my husband adds, "but they should not be runny."

So how do you cook grits to get that perfect consistency? It depends on which Keith you ask.

"Fill half a small pot with water," my husband says. "Add salt and about two pats of margarine before the water boils. As soon as the water starts to boil, turn the heat down to low and add 5 tablespoons of grits."

To avoid lumpy grits, stir them constantly, and never cover the pot.

"You have to stay with the pot," for about 25 minutes, my husband says. "You'll know the grits are done when they start to go bloop . . . bloop . . . bloop . . . bloop. Let them bloop for another three minutes. Then turn the fire off."

Finally, my husband says, "put in a small handful of shredded mild cheddar cheese, but don't mix the cheese in. Just let it melt down."

The grits are ready to be served with scrambled eggs and bacon. "Eggs must be scrambled, no sunny side up or poached and no runny yolks," my husband says. "You can cook your bacon first, but don't cook your eggs until your grits are done."

Our friend Keith has a different method for cooking perfect grits. He says to put cold water in the pot and add the grits before bringing the water to a boil.

"Stir the grits to remove the lumps, then heat the water," our friend says. "Once the water comes to a boil, cover the pot, so no air escapes. The key is to stir them."

About 30 minutes later, the grits are ready to serve with ham, a pat of butter, two eggs and a biscuit.

"Grits should be served on a plate," our friend adds, "not in a bowl!"

My husband agrees with the plate rule, but can't fathom eating grits with liver or corned beef hash the way our friend likes them.

"In Florida, you have permission to have grits and fish, as long as it's fried catfish fillets," my husband says. "You can't have bones in your grits."

Now all I want to know is: When do we eat?

[stainlessbanner]

Cheese grits. Hmmmm!

[cmsgop]

I have never tried Grits before.

[Pukin Dog]

There are people in Georgia, Alabama and Mississippi who will shoot you in the head, if you put sugar in their grits.

[Support Free Republic]

Aww man! Enough of the fundraiser posts!!!

Only YOU can make fundraiser posts go away. Please contribute!

[My2Cents]

Great article. I just had my first pile of grits while on vacation (breakfast menu at Cracker Barrel). DEE-licious!

[annyokie]

Bump for after supper. Getting the chesse grits ready!

[alloysteel]

Grits - Guys (or Gals) raised in the South.

[Little Ray]

For breakfast: Grits with cheese, lots of butter, salt and pepper, and crumbled bacon. Yum!

[StatesEnemy]

As a yankee, I never tried them until boot camp at Benning.... About the only pleasurable experience I had at Sand Hill.

I like mine with just a bit o' butter and salt. Sometimes with an over-easy-egg blended in for color...

[patton]

And no mention of hominy grits????

posers.

[lib-r-teri-ann]

Cheez, ENUFF about Halle Berry already! When did shorty Halle become some sort of standard of beauty? She is most assuredly NOT a beautiful woman, tho she does play one on TV! Ms. Berry is nice-looking and a decent actress, but absolutely the most overrated belle out there. Surely anyone who saw her in the Bond flick saw the incongruity between her and the standard of beauty set by earlier Bond girls? This is what we get when affirmative action is applied ot national standards of beauty.

[RetiredArmy]

Get a bowl of sand, heat it up in the microwave, put some butter on it, eat it. You got grits. I am originally from Alabama. I ate grits once as a kid. It was back to all that artery hardening bacon, sausage, fried potatoes, gravy, biscuits, toast, eggs over easy for this country boy. I hate grits! ;^)

[Eala]

There are people in Georgia, Alabama and Mississippi who will shoot you in the head, if you put sugar in their grits.

Thanks for the warning. The damnyankee (NYC born) goodwife ruins hers with maple syrup. :-(

[RetiredArmy]

Actually, Berry is a joke. She has a white mother and black father. She decides to accept the black side of her life so she can fast track in everything she wants to do. But, her black father used to beat the white mother all the time, left them, mother raised daughter, daughter becomes famous, selects father's skin color as hers instead of the mother that raised her. BS.

[chadwimc]

This Yankee('tho from *southern* Ohio)likes lotsa butter and syrup on my grits. I'll get a styrofoam cup full of grits to take out when I'm done eating...

[Pukin Dog]

One well known fact about Halle Berry is that she is dumber than a box of rocks.

[cmsgop]

BTW Nice Job on the Free Iran protest, Nice pics!

[Pukin Dog]

She's a commie. Leave her.

[r9etb]

One well known fact about Halle Berry is that she is dumber than a box of rocks.

Well, then -- keep her from talking, of course.