Instant messaging pressuring teens, spreading good, bad info

St. Louis Post-Dispatch ^ | 06/19/03 | JAKE WAGMAN

[bedolido]

ST. LOUIS - (KRT) - Peer pressure, gossip and even compromising photographs have been part of high school for generations. But now that many teenage conversations have moved from school hallways to the Internet, locker room fodder can devastate young lives almost instantly.

A recent incident at Mary Institute and St. Louis Country Day School in Ladue, Mo., made that clear. When a female student consented to send a male classmate a revealing photo of herself over the Internet, the photo ended up circulating online not only among students at MICDS but also among those at many other private and public schools in the area and even across the country, her mother says.

Instant messaging "has changed everything," said Mike White, network services director at Kirkwood School District. "It's like passing notes but at light speed."

Instant messaging - the kids call it IMing - allows users to maintain multiple, instantaneous real-time conversations from their computer screens. They also can use the discussion windows to transmit pictures and images, which can be downloaded and sent to anyone with e-mail access.

A 2001 report by the Pew Internet and American Life Project found that 13 million teenagers use instant messaging. Furthermore, one-fifth of all teenagers with Internet access say that instant messaging is the main way they interact with friends, the report said.

"Clearly, teens like and embrace instant messaging," said Pew Senior Research Specialist John Horrigan. "It is part of their culture."

Instant messaging is most popular among kids ages 13 to 15 - old enough to be social but too young to drive. It has replaced the telephone, Horrigan said, and has the advantage of cutting many people in on the conversation. Affluent teens, who are more likely to have high-speed connections and their own computers, are the ones most likely to be hooked.

Some say IMing helps shy students to interact. It also can provide anonymity and a social disconnect that can lead users to act in ways they wouldn't without the veil of a screen name.

"It's gotten insane," said Brian Lewis, 16, a sophomore at Clayton High School. "There is no personal contact anymore. You can't tell what they are feeling besides those little smilies."

Those little smilies are the icons that can be inserted into IM text. You can smile. You can frown. You can wink. You can yell. You can kiss.

Then there is the shorthand ubiquitous to IM chat: JK (Just Kidding), TTYL (Talk to You Later), BRB (Be Right Back), LOL (Laugh Out Loud) and for the real funny moments ROFL (Rolling on Floor Laughing).

"I actually know people who talk like this," Brian said. "They will go around and say, `LOL.' "

Brian and his friends no longer IM for hours at a time, in part because of the problems associated with talking to someone they might know only through a computer moniker. Several times, Brian says he was making friends with people he assumed were his own age.

"But then you get a phone call," Brian said, and it's obvious they're much older.

There are too many other pitfalls, friend Sarah Kogan added, like sending messages to the wrong person and being exposed to obscene images by strangers. She has all but left the fast-paced, mesmerizing IM community.

"I have stopped talking," Sarah, 16, said. "There is too much that can go wrong."

Sgt. Joe Laramie, an officer with the Glendale Police Department and a supervisor with the St. Louis Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force, tries to teach youngsters those lessons.

Technically, he said, the circulation of an explicit photo of a 14-year-old girl, like at MICDS, violates federal statutes, although it is highly unlikely to be prosecuted.

"This young lady trusted somebody in some form. That is the saddest part," Laramie said. "When you send a picture out, you can't get it back."

Nor can you reclaim your reputation. The girl's mother, who asked in a telephone interview to be identified only by her first name, Julie, is considering sending her daughter away to school. Her daughter and three boys have been expelled from the school, sources say.

Julie says a male acquaintance "harassed" her daughter through instant messages for weeks, asking for increasingly explicit photos. "He was asking for specific poses," she said. "That's how bad it was." Julie acknowledges that her daughter made a huge error in judgment. But she says the instant messaging culture - where peer pressure pops up through endless message windows - is also partly responsible.

"It's out there," Julie wrote in an e-mail to the Post-Dispatch, "and in this day and age with our kids instant messaging with sometimes up to 15 to 20 friends at a time at night, it is simply neglectful not to talk about it."

Laramie tells parents the computer should be in the family room or another open part of the house, where parents can see how long their children are online and whom they are talking with, he said. Instant messaging is especially difficult for parents to keep track of, Laramie said, because there is no browsing history or saved copy. Once the conversation is done, it's gone for good.

"I do not believe a teenager should have Internet access in their bedroom," Laramie said. "The most dangerous thing is to have a teenager be able to access the Internet at any time behind a locked door."

The MICDS freshman was using the computer in her basement, where the family has a high-speed connection.

Julie says that her daughter is, for now, done with instant messaging.

"Right now she has absolutely no desire to talk to any friend online," her mother said. "I think she has learned her lesson."

---

© 2003, St. Louis Post-Dispatch.

[Bahbah]

"I actually know people who talk like this," Brian said. "They will go around and say, `LOL.' "

No, you're kidding, right. LOL.

[MineralMan]

Rule 1: Never have naked pictures of yourself. They _will_ appear somewhere you wish they hadn't.
Rule 2: See rule 1.

[j.havenfarm]

Rule three: If you're stupid enough to violate Rule 1 and Rule 2, you have no one to blame but yourself for the consequences.

[Lou L]

Call me a perv, but when I saw the cell phones that could transmit pictures, my first thought was, "oh yeah--these will be used to transmit explicit photos at some point."

[MineralMan]

"Call me a perv, but when I saw the cell phones that could transmit pictures, my first thought was, "oh yeah--these will be used to transmit explicit photos at some point."
"

Yup. There are a couple of threads on FR about someplace in Australia (I think) where they're banning cell phones from the girls' locker room, for just that reason.

I'm sure it's already happening out there.

[nravoter]

Technically, he said, the circulation of an explicit photo of a 14-year-old girl, like at MICDS, violates federal statutes

Yeah, "technically". As in "You know, you might not believe this, but it's actually illegal to circulate nude pictures of minors. What a surprise!

[tdadams]

It's maddening how technology really brings out the perv in people. What adult gets their jollies by IMing with a teenager? And what adult thinks that teenager isn't completely creeped out when they call and the teen finds out they're NOT a teenager? Some people are really delusional.

[cyborg]

i answered a personal ad, and I thought the man was older. It turned out when I called HIS MOTHER answered the phone and cursed me out for seducing her 16 year old son. I told her, hey lady your son is going around telling girls he's thirty and giving out your phone number. Besides the fact, I do not believe in premarital sex, I felt doubly awful that this boy's mother thought I was some wanton slut. That's why I do not meet people through the Internet. Too many headcases, esp. the men. The Internet is anonymous so the inner sicko pervert molester comes out in a lot of people. I stopped ICQing because too many people want to have 'net sex'.

[Bikers4Bush]

They've been banned from all locker rooms, not just the girls.

[Bikers4Bush]

Please don't take this the wrong way but that story is hilarious. Can you imagine his mom getting a hold of the paper and seeing their number printed?

If she didn't pound him she should have.

[cyborg]

No wrong way taken... I started laughing myself. His mother probably grounded him and took away his computer for all I know...LOL

[Bikers4Bush]

Oh man that's even worse! I thought you meant a newspaper personal. If he had it out there on the net then the whole world could see it.

I've always stayed away from chat rooms and the like. Too many weirdos out there.

[tdadams]

LOL! Not to get a kick at your expense, but that's really funny.

[cyborg]

LOL... I definately get a laugh when I tell that story

[tdadams]

It sounds like a Seinfeld episode, the one where Elaine had a crush on a video store clerk she'd only talked to on the phone. Then when she went to meet him at his apartment, she's confronted by his mom, while she's holding a bag with lingere and vodka in it. He's a pimpled 15 year old. LOL!

[rwfromkansas]

I like IM'ing, though my IM craze was over several years ago. I used to talk to a lot of people. Now...just one main person, but she is so busy now she rarely gets online. I haven't actually opened my IM software in days, as it would require me finding new people to talk to if I wanted and quite frankly, I don't want do go through all that trouble.

But, IM'ing is a great way to communicate, especially for shy folks. You can actually think a bit about what you want to say, which is good for someone like me who is not good at conversations and has trouble thinking of things to say. I met someone through IM'ing and we are friends now, offline as well though now that she has moved to Nebraska it really is only online now.

There are some dangers of IM'ing, like you don't know if the person you are talking to is really that person. But, the dangers expressed in this article are quite exaggerated.

[bedolido]

great story...lol. thx for the afternoon laugh... I needed it.

[rwfromkansas]

"But she says the instant messaging culture - where peer pressure pops up through endless message windows - is also partly responsible."

Mr. Journalist, it is obvious you have never IM'd. Unlike in real life, you can simply ban people from talking to you.

Some peer pressure. Give me a break.

[rwfromkansas]

right