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A few years ago PETA was making the rounds of the public schools in my state. Their campaign consisted of two people...a PETA mouthpiece spewing the line of the week "Please don't eat our animal-friends." She would be outside of elementary schools with some fool dressed up in a carrot costume, trying to get the kiddies to give up meat.

It didn't last long. The suburban schools they were targeting denied them access to the property so they were relagated to the street in front of the schools. Too bad they gave up so easy, because I had a plan in place for when they came to my kids school. Here was what two friends of mine and I were going to do: One of us had an old cow costume leftover from a halloween party (you know, the kind that needs two people, one in the front and another in back). My buddies were going to wear the cow costume and would charge the carrot and knock him down while I was pelting the PETA mouthpiece with 40 hamburgers from Rally's (back when they were only 99 cents each) that we would have picked up on the way to the school. We had the costume and were keeping tabs on where the "Animal friends" tour was going, but they called it off the day before they were planning to come to my neighborhood.