STORM OF CONTROVERSY!

Trees

Earlier this year, the Phnom Penh government, much to the dismay of many, chopped down a large percentage of the city?s trees. Why? Because the leaves clogged the sewers and besides, they told us, the trees were the ?wrong kind of tree?. Recently, Phnom Penh has begun to replant trees throughout the city restoring streets to the same appearance that residents and visitors had once enjoyed. How similar, you ask? Well, the trees they are planting are the same kind of trees they had removed.

New Homes

Of a more serious nature, the Phnom Penh government, in preparation for hosting the ASEAN conference in November, has begun a controversial campaign to forcibly remove all homeless from Phnom Penh. Editorialising about this outrage is beyond the scope of this column, but it brings to mind an incident that occurred three years ago when Phnom Penh first installed public restrooms across from the National Museum. Upon their completion, several families promptly moved in.

Local Privilege

Seeing a Khmer riding her motorbike the wrong way on a one-way street, we inquired as to whether she knew she was violating a traffic law. ?Oh, it?s no problem,? she said, ?I?m Cambodian.?

Help Wanted,

Hi-Tech Career
Construction continues rapidly on Phnom Penh?s first modern indoor shopping mall (that huge structure just south of the Central Market). As you?d expect, elevators and escalators will shuttle shoppers between floors. But considering that many Cambodians have never seen an elevator or escalator, the mall?s management is hiring personnel to show people how to use them.

Oral History

Back in the mid-90s, when Cambodia was still effectively at war a local was asked why Cambodians ate so fast, especially compared to their leisurely neighbours, the Thais. ?War,? he said, ?You never know, one minute you?re eating supper, then ?boom?, bomb goes off and soldiers run in.? He then added, ?We can eat and run at the same time.?

Dog Pounds? We have the Vietnamese!

Seeing a stray dog walk by, a far less frequent occurrence than one sees in Thailand, our same local was asked as to where all the dogs were. ?Vietnamese,? he said. ?Every time Vietnamese move in, all the dogs disappear.? No word as to whether the Vietnamese or the dogs can run and eat at the same time.

The Battambang Express

??all they really want is to fleece you for all the candy you have. In this part of the world, candy is currency, especially if you are four years old.?

The majority of travellers who go to Cambodia visit Siem Reap first - to view the splendiferous grandeur that is Angkor Wat. After gaping in rapt awe for a few days, most hop on the big speedboat to Phnom Penh. Unfortunately, this route bypasses the provincial experience of Battambang. Okay, it is provincial, but it is still an experience. And man, the town is yours.

Battambang doesn?t experience the tourist crush of Siem Reap. Your first clue is when you get stuffed into the tiny speedboat ? ain?t nobody going here but the chickens and some young girl with 20 feet of re-bar to reinforce the guesthouse her hopeful dad is building in anticipation of the big tourist rush. When you arrive in Cambodia?s second city/village, the hotel touts physically wrestle with you, (in the friendliest way possible), and each other (in a slightly less friendly manner) for your patronage ? it?s even worse than Poipet, if you can imagine it. Futher evidence that the place is bereft of tourist dollars is found on visiting the tourist information office. You have to wake up the bloke behind the counter who then proceeds to wet himself at the sight of you. This enthusiasm is about all you?ll get though ? in the absence of funding, there are no posters or maps to be had. As in life, the most popular get all the benefits, while the ignominious suffer in silence.

If there is a low standard of tourist assistance, the standard and value of the hotels is high. The Chyyaa Hotel, has en suite bathrooms, satellite TV, and grim 80?s porn transmitted to all the rooms. (Remember the 80s? Great time for unbridled greed , but crap for porn ? so what was the point of all that money?). Nonetheless, it?s excellent value for the few bucks you?ll lay out.

The main reason for visiting Battambang is the day tour to the Killing Cave. It is far more moving than the Killing Fields of Phnom Penh. For one thing, you will be the only group there, and the otherwise unemployed guide provided by the hotel is still fresh enough to give some real feeling to the visit ? essential when you are visiting sites of mass slaughter. During the short and brutal reign of the Khmer Rouge, these caves were a convenient disposal bin for the dead and near dead, who were mercilessly hurled into this 20-metre pit.

The cave itself is a fair ride from town, on some rough and dusty roads. The journey is transformed from an ordeal into a joy as you travel through your first village, and the local children drop what they are doing to scream ?Hello? or ?Goodbye? to you. The joy radiating from their little faces when their greeting is reciprocated gives a warm cathartic feeling. Luckily the truck doesn?t slow down long enough for you to discover that all they really want is to fleece you for all the candy you have. In this part of the world, candy is currency, especially if you are four years old.

The great pleasure of the return journey is a trip on the ?Battambang Express?, a makeshift train assembled while you watch. As if the trains in Cambodia weren?t basic enough, this one is simplicity itself. A metal frame is fixed on to a couple of axles supporting a bamboo floor, and a small motor that looks like it was lifted from your Granddad?s lawnmower is attached on the back. The train is actually used by the locals ? it?s not fast, but it beats walking.

Nonetheless, when you are back in Battambang, reality sets in. To get the hell out of the place, you have the choice of a death-defying pickup truck or a slow train journey to Phnom Penh. Don?t believe the hotelier that the train isn?t running. There is no commission on trains. And in a town like this, they need all the commissions they can get.

Words by Michael Andrews

Strange facts, odd figures

Helpful Quotes

From a Siem Reap motodop asked where a particular road goes:
?Oh, that?s the road to another place.?

Slanguage

Word for help: choo-ay
A rather impolite slang word for sexual intercourse: joo-ay
So, be very careful if you ask someone to help you or you offer to help somebody else ? unless you are offering to help them have sex.

Etiquette

During Khmer New Year, smearing the face of a girl you?re smitten by with chalky sticky talcum powder is a perfectly acceptable way to show her how much you care. A gallon of cold, dirty water over her head is okay, too ? it could be the start of something beautiful.

Safety

A recent study determined that four out of five sandwiches sold on the streets of Phnom Penh did not meet basic standards of hygiene. The study didn?t say which four, so it?s a crap shoot, really (and sometimes literally).

Urban Legend

Roadblocks and extortion are a daily part of Cambodia overland travel. Wrong! There hasn?t been a reported highway shakedown in over two years. Any roadblocks and cash payments you witness are legitimate tolls. They just haven?t built the fancy tollbooths the Western world has.

Hun Sen?s Latest Tirade

Dissolve the Apsara Authority ? the government agency responsible for overseeing the Angkor Archaeological Park and development in the Siem Reap area. The reason? ?Heavily influenced by foreigners who do not understand the needs of Cambodia?s poor.?

Random Statistics

Number of restaurants in Anlong Veng with an English-language sign reading ?restaurant?: 3
Number of restaurants in Anlong Veng with an English-language sign reading ?restaurant? that could serve us food when we visited: 0

Odd facts, strange figures

Education

Most public schools beyond the primary level are found only in Phnom Penh and provincial capitals. 85% of Cambodians live neither in Phnom Penh nor a provincial capital.

Enduring Traditions

Marriages in Cambodia are frequently arranged by the family, with proposals made to the parents, not to the girl. One wedding rituals involves the bride kneeling and cleaning the groom?s feet.

Random Statistic

Number of beggars in Cambodia: inestimable.
Number of female beggars holding a child who is actually a relation: two (we think there was a bit of a resemblance).

Safety

Number of land mines in Cambodia: several million. Number of foreign visitors who have stepped on a land mine: zero. Number of foreign visitors who have stepped in human excrement outside Wat Ounalom: 215.

Urban Legend

You can blow up a cow at a shooting range using a grenade launcher. No doubt some drunken soldier has done this at some time in Cambodia?s history, but this is one experience that is not for sale.

Strange Species

The rare jungle cow ? or kouprey. Head to Virochey National Park in Ratanakiri province and don?t come back until you bring us a photo of one.

Tribal Customs:

Some tribal people paint the skull and cross-bones on their houses to protect them from spirits.

Etiquette

When faced with shoddy airline service, shooting out the tires of the aircraft is no longer considered an acceptable course of action.

Oral history

?We were in a field one night, maybe thirty of us, when Hun Sen?s soldiers attack us. We were completely surprised and could only run. We have thirty soldiers, only ten of us live. If I die the army give my family $100 and 200 pounds of rice. I am 28 years old, have wife and three young children. And the army, not pay me three months. Next day, I take off uniform and become moto driver. I only make maybe $20 a month, but I have family. Difficult, but better than soldier.?
? Story told by a former Funcinpec soldier on July 5, 1997, the date Funcinpec and co-prime minister Ranariddh were relieved of power by the CPP.

Quotes

?Yesterday a big fire, next month, have land for sale, next year ? new building.?
? A Phnom Penh resident the day after a large slum fire in November 2001

Torture is the Worst Teacher

I skipped the Killing Fields (a series of exhumed mass graves) because I?ve seen enough skulls for one vacation, so I went to S-21, formerly Tuol Sleng high school, which was Pol Pot?s political prison/torture camp. The place is prett stark, as you might imagine ? a Mao-style school with barbed wire, doorways knocked through walls and hastily erected brick partitions separatin classrooms into tiny cells. Leg-irons jerry-rigged out of re-bar and the like. The rooms speak volumes if you listen, but the display of photographs are more trenchant, some of prisoners who had obviously been beaten to death, but mostly the passport-style photos that the KR snapped of all their prisoners, often just before applying whips and jumper-leads.

The faces stare out from the past with pupils dilated from fear. ?Faces of Death?, indeed. The gift shop was disappointing, however, and I thought the wall of skulls in the shape of a map of Cambodia was a little tasteless. There are also a few inconsistencies at the Genocide Museum (itself a misnomer). One of the buildings had barbed wire strung across its face (over three floors) which a sign said was to stop desperate prisoners jumping off balconies to commit suicide. This is crap. There is barbed wire on the ground floor as well and elsewhere it says that the prisoners were never out of chains. However, the torture machines are enough to chill any bone and leave no doubt as to the brutality the Khmer Rouge were capable of inflicting

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