 Osama Bin Laden, Al Qaeda's team caption of The Jihad Fast-Pitch Softball Association says, "It's all about the game." |
Posted on 04/04/2003 11:12:01 AM PST by miltonim
When summer hits in the Middle East, and all their hard work is done, even terrorists want to have a little fun.
How are the worldwide networks of bombing bosom buddies going to unwind this summer, and keep their competitive edge? Ask any Jihad-loving fanatic and they'll tell you, fast pitch softball is what it's all about.
This summer, terrorist organizations from all over the globe will come together for the first-ever season of The Jihad Fast-Pitch Softball Association. Sound crazy? Well, these guys sure are, and their attitude about the upcoming season reflects their passion to get out there and show the world how softball is played, Middle-East style.
"I think our team is ready," said Al Qaeda second baseman Masur El-Givah. "We've been working hard all year, you know, blowing things up, and now it's time to show people that we're more than just a bunch of psychopathic killers. We got skills on the diamond, too."
Al-Qaeda, along with Hamas, Fatah and Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigade are just a few of the teams ready to storm onto the softball scene. Despite worldwide manhunts for certain league players, the teams are not discouraged, and have used their hideouts to prepare for the season.
"We've been taking batting practice in our cave for months," said Al Qaeda team captain Osama Bin Laden. "The Americans could never find me because I have excellent speed, and I plan on using that speed on the basepaths."
Though the league will most likely draw a lot of attention, its players do not seem worried about being captured. Most feel that the remote location of the league's softball fields will keep them safe.
"The fields are scattered throughout the desert," said Fatah pitching coach, Yasser Arafat. "We're giving new meaning to the word 'sandlot,' and there's no chance that anyone will find us out here, except maybe one or two Israeli tanks."
But what about the fans? Will attendance numbers be healthy if people have to travel to remote desert locations to catch the ball-games? Bin-Laden, for one, is sure the fans will turn out in droves.
"Many people will come to watch our brilliant play, even the infidels," said Bin Laden. "We are working closely with our communities, trying to give something back, and I think the fans really appreciate that."
Optimism reigns amongst these bearded bomb-hurlers, and the fact that softball is a predominantly American sport does not bother them one bit.
"So what if the Americans created baseball," said Hamas outfielder Jafar Ay-Bubu. "It is a dirty and boring game when played by infidels. Only here, amongst these great athletes in the desert sand, can the beauty of the sport truly shine through. And we make better apple pie than them too, with just a hint of curry."
For now, the terrorists are doing all they can to wreak havoc on international peace plans. But come summer, these boys will be working on their suicide squeeze instead of their suicide bombing, and the desert will roar with the crack of bats instead of bullets.
"It's all about the game," said Bin Laden. "Terrorism may be what we're known for now, but in a few weeks, you won't be able to think of Jihad without also thinking of fast-pitch softball."
| Osama Bin Laden, Al Qaeda's team caption of The Jihad Fast-Pitch Softball Association says, "It's all about the game." |
'cause it's
Shoot, shoot shoot for the Palistineans,
If they don't explode it's a shame
And it's one, two, three year old kids
That we kill in Allah's name!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.