Debate simmers over abstinence in sex ed

Courier Post South Jersey ^ | 01-Dec-2002 | Deborah Yaffe

[GirlShortstop]

Janet Lomonico is making a list. Chalk in hand, she's poised to write down all the behaviors that her sex education students agree don't count as sexual abstinence.

Turns out it's a pretty short list. Holding hands? Kissing? Reading erotic literature? No problem. Showering together? Naked cuddling? Still counts as abstinence. Oral sex? Nope, that's still abstinence, the kids insist.

[GirlShortstop]

How could oral sex not be intrusive?

Based upon my sister's accounts (my niece is a teenager in a parochial high school), oral sex is all the rage.
I suppose it's a matter of   "what your definition of is, is".   Here's to x42!  </sarcasm off>

[Illbay]

It's true. They actually have parties devoted to it, etc.

[pabianice]

It's true. They actually have parties devoted to it, etc.

They're called "Doing a Clinton."

[proxy_user]

"...which urges that sex be saved for marriage."

Totally unrealistic in today's society. It's hard enough to make teenagers wait until they're 18, or until they're 21. You want to make them wait until they're 35?

[homeschool mama]

Not having sex won't kill you. It's called self control...

[expatpat]

The 60's generation now in control of the schools hates abstinence because it is a rejection and repudiation of the free sex they espoused in their youth as the ideal life-style.

[gopsue]

I am 37, my boyfriend is 40. He is a virgin (I am not), but we are waiting until we are married to have sex. So, yes, people can wait to have sex.

[proxy_user]

I am not questioning whether one person, or five people, or fifty people can do this. I am questioning whether it is possible for society as a whole, or even the majority of people, to do this.

[SouthernFreebird]

Your joking right??? A 40 year old man who has never had sex? I'd be more than a little nervous. And I'm not joking about that, it really seems extreme to not have been married or lost control at least once in all that time.

[TightSqueeze]

Totally unrealistic in today's society...

Today's society is all about control, regardless of the content there is a heavy-handed atmosphere that demands that everyone submit their actions to some pseudo-religious grand fart of ethics.

In this day and age your actions are always suspect and there is always someone who knows what is best for you, get used to it.

[ImaGraftedBranch]

Totally unrealistic in today's society. It's hard enough to make teenagers wait until they're 18, or until they're 21. You want to make them wait until they're 35?

Are you a parent? I am. A homeschooling parent.

I assure you, my kids want nothing to do with sexual activity before marriage.

They are smart kids, well ahead of their public-schooled peers in maturity levels (not to mention the scholastic advancement).

They are not sheltered, either. They see what is going on in the world today, and it truly disgusts them.

I am blessed to have these kids.

[Maceman]

I think that adolescent girls need all the help they can get in saying "no."

Adolescent boys don't need instruction in pressing the girls for sexual favors. By not stressing abstinence, the schools essentially form a support group for horny teen-age boys.

IF Billy wants sex from Suzie, her odds of saying no are much greater if the school isn't giving her a message that says: "We know you're going to do it. So here's a condom."

IMHO, this approach amounts to a kind of institutional intimidation of the girls, who mostly need help saying "no."

[sinkspur]

In this day and age your actions are always suspect and there is always someone who knows what is best for you, get used to it.

Encouraging teenagers to abstain from sex is what is best for teenagers. They cannot assume the adult responsibilities of their actions, should those actions result in a child. They are also dealing with emotions that are best expressed in a stable, long-term relationship of commitment.

Anyone who cannot see that adolescents engaging in sexual activity leads to the cheapening of that activity in their eyes is naive. In fact, they are likely adolescent in many ways themselves.

You don't have to be a Christian or even believe in God to realize that treating sex the same as a game of touch football diminishes it, greatly.

[homeschool mama]

yes!!

[TightSqueeze]

Anyone who cannot see...

You don't have to be...

Like I said there is always someone who knows best how you should act in any situation.

I can only please one person a day, today is not your day, tomorrow is already booked.

[proxy_user]

I say what I say because the human race is hardwired to mate and have children between the ages of 16 and 18. While education and training can overcome this instinct in selected individuals, or small religious sects, society as a whole cannot overcome this overwhelming biological imperative.

Society is the way it is today because it does try to fight biology. A system where you have to attend college, graduate school, and then work for ten years before you can afford to have children is guaranteed not to function very well.

[Prodigal Son]

A system where you have to attend college, graduate school, and then work for ten years before you can afford to have children...

Without trying to get too much into this argument- why would one need to attend college, graduate school and then work for ten years before starting a family?

[proxy_user]

Well, obviously, you don't really need to. An 18 year old girl could marry a 22 year old guy and start having children--and indeed, I would applaud them for doing so.

But what usually happens is that both sexes go to college, and the more ambitious ones go to grad school for an MBA or law degree, then they work for a couple of years, then they get engaged, then they spend a few years trying to save up a down payment on a house, and before you know it you're 35.

At that point, at least, you're the proud possessor of a 3,000 square foot house on which you owe $400,000, an SUV, a Lexus, and a little baby. Life is good, but this wasn't the way it was done in the old days.

[Mike K]

I can only please one person a day, today is not your day, tomorrow is already booked.

It's too bad that your busy schedule doesn't allow you time to consider the wisdom that Sinkspur provided. Maybe when you have a moment, you can consider the value of the comments instead of dismissing them with such clever wit.

[Prodigal Son]

But what usually happens is that both sexes go to college,

I guess times have changed. I didn't realize most people are going to university in the States nowadays.

Me, I quit school when I was sixteen and started doing my own thing. My teachers always said I wouldn't get very far without at least that bit of High School paper- but I'd dare say I've seen a good bit more of this old world at this point than perhaps all of them combined and am not planning on stopping yet. My down payment on my house amounted to about 50% of the asking price one year ago- I plan to pay it off in another 5 yrs. I don't have an SUV but I do have a Subaru Justy that has four wheel drive (a nice little car).

I agree about the age part- I'm 36 now and the last 20 yrs (since I struck out on my own) have gone by like a very enjoyable whirlwind. And in all that time- I've only not been married for one year ;-)