Confessor: Forgive me, Father, I have sinned. I masturbated.
Priest: Who doesn't? Go wash.
C: And I looked in lust at a girl in my class
P: Does she come from a nice family?
C: And I bought a car using my credit card. It's over the limit now.
P: I bet you paid retail, you meshugga. My cousin could have gotten you a good deal. Your punishment is you have to go see your mother and take her out to eat. A nice place but not too expensive. And don't tell her about the car. You want she should have a heart attack?