Third Runner-Up:
ROME (Reuters) - An Italian man is accused of killing his cousin with a chainsaw in a billion lire ($460,000) insurance scam that went horribly wrong. Justice sources said on Friday the body of 23-year-old Andreas Plack was discovered on Wednesday in a pool of blood in his home town in the far north of Italy. They said his 29-year old cousin, Christian Kleon, insisted the death was an accident. The sources said Kleon said that Plack wanted to cash in on a generous insurance policy and had persuaded him to cut open his leg with a chainsaw. To make it look like a crime, Kleon then fled the scene and threw the chainsaw into a nearby river. Plack, a part-time bouncer who wanted to become a private detective, was a first aid expert and the pair believed he would be able to stem the bleeding before calling for help. But the cut was too deep and when he phoned for an ambulance his voice was so distorted by pain operators could not understand where he was. Kleon is under arrest and faces a murder charge.
Second Runner-Up:
[Orlando Sentinel] Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everett Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining two were asked to leave the course.
First Runner-Up:
5 September 1999, Jerusalem - In most parts of the world, the switch away from Daylight Savings Time proceeds smoothly. But the time change raised havoc with Palestinian terrorists this year. Israel insisted on a premature switch from Daylight Savings Time to Standard Time to accommodate a week of pre-sunrise prayers. Palestinians refused to live on "Zionist Time." Two weeks of scheduling havoc ensued. Nobody knew the "correct" time. At precisely 5:30pm on Sunday, two coordinated car bombs exploded in different cities, killing three terrorists who were transporting the bombs. It was initially believed that the devices had been detonated prematurely by klutzy amateurs. A closer look revealed the truth behind the explosions. The bombs had been prepared in a Palestine-controlled area, and set to detonate on Daylight Savings Time. But the confused drivers had already switched to Standard Time. When they picked up the bombs, they neglected to ask whose watch was used to set the timing mechanism. As a result, the cars were still en-route when the explosives detonated, delivering the terrorists to their untimely demises.
And the Winner is....
A JAPANESE woman searched a remote area of America during a quest to find a briefcase containing almost $1 million buried by a fictional character in the cult film Fargo. In the film a villain stops his car in a snowy landscape with no features except a wire fence and fenceposts, where he buries the case. In an apparent attempt to find the supposed money, Takako Konishi, 28, left her home in Tokyo a month ago to travel to North Dakota. There she was reported to police in the small city of Bismarck after she was seen near a rubbish dump. When officers interviewed Miss Konishi she showed them a crude map purporting to show the location where the money was hidden. Lt Nick Sevart, of Bismarck police, said: "We tried to explain to her that it was a fictional movie and there really wasn't any treasure." A hunter later found Miss Konishi's body in woodland near the village of Detroit Lakes, which lies on a road between Fargo and Brainerd. Police, who are awaiting the results of tests to establish the cause of death, said that Miss Konishi had been wearing only light clothing on a night when the temperature dropped to 26F (-3C). They believe Miss Konishi may have been confused by opening credits for the film, which claimed it was based on an incident in 1987 but this was not true.
Honorable Mention:
A George Mason University student was charged with burning the U.S. flag in a fire that damaged nearly two acres of woodland in northern Virginia. Oleg S. Asserin, 18, of Falls Church, was arrested Tuesday on a felony charge of setting a fire capable of spreading and a misdemeanor charge of burning the U.S. flag. Virginia is among 48 states that still have flag desecration laws on the books, even though the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in 1989 in Texas v. Johnson that flag burning is constitutionally protected speech. Kent Willis, executive director of the American Civil Liberties Union of Virginia, said the flag-burning law, enacted in 1960, is unconstitutional and that the ACLU will seek to have the charge dismissed if prosecutors don't drop it. "It is irresponsible and shameful that the fire department would fan the emotional flames that are present here in this case. It's almost hard to believe they're serious," Willis said. Fairfax County Commonwealth's ! At! torney Robert Horan said Friday he will decide whether to pursue the flag-burning charge after he reviews the case. "We'll wait and see what the facts are," Horan said. Asserin has a preliminary hearing Dec. 12. Firefighters from Fairfax County and neighboring Montgomery County, Md., responded to the fire Sunday morning. It burned about two acres of brush near the George Washington Memorial Parkway before it was extinguished Tuesday. Firefighters found a charred American flag among the damage. Dan Schmidt, a fire department spokesman, said a check of area medical facilities found Asserin receiving treatment for burns on his arms and upper body. Fire investigators interviewed Asserin on Monday. Fire officials said they did not believe Asserin, who is Russian, was expressing support for recent terrorist acts. The motivation for the burning was unclear. At his arraignment, Asserin was ordered to undergo a mental evaluation to determine his ability to stand trial.
A young Chinese tiger keeper has been mauled to death after apparently trying to defecate on one of his big cats. The 19-year-old appears to have climbed the railings of the Bengal tiger cage and pulled his trousers down. Evidence at the scene of the death at the Jinan animal park included toilet paper, excrement and a trouser belt. Zoo officials think Xu Xiaodong either slipped into the cage or was pulled in by one of the four angry tigers. According to the South China Morning Post, the man told a co-worker he needed to go to the toilet but police were called when he failed to return. They found his body lying on the ground surrounded by tigers. The teenager had reportedly been bitten in the neck and was covered in blood. Police believe Xu climbed the wall of a partially constructed building used to raise the tigers to relieve himself. They said the smell probably caused the tigers to pounce.