You think article is a joke or parody?
I assure you it is not and you need to explain your comment to the Freepers who may be misled by your comment.
Not the article; the “free cell phone guide”. It reads like a parody commercial from The Rush Limbaugh Show: using absurd laguage to illustrate the absurd.
It seems that it was written to point out the absurdity of the cell phone program, not to sincerely guide people in the process of acquiring one.
FWIW, I’ve learned from one “in the trenches” that few impoverished people, either citizen or illegal, gets a phone from that program. The phones aren’t nice enough.