Watch him claim he got boinked by a priest when he was a kid, then he spent several years on an island with six other castaways, and they kept trying to get off, but this idiot first mate kept ruining their plans until the ratings went down. The trauma!
“...he spent several years on an island with six other castaways...”
Well, he IS a “philosophy professor” after all... you can’t expect him to know how to fix a hole in a boat.... OR make radios out of coconuts...