Let's introduce the bachelors (i.e. those who think of themselves as such according to PC language rules):
Bachelor #1's idea of a perfect 1st date is at the office enjoying delivery pizza, a cigar and making a very personal stain on your tight little blue dress.
Bachelor #2 likes to keep in touch by repeatedly texting photos of the physical feature from which his family name comes.
Bachelor #3 says his secret to winning the girl in a restaurant is stroking the meat in the hall in front of her.