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#3. He’s not turning his life around any time soon, sorry. He’s so stupid he couldn’t even drive a manual shift car. Now the closest he’ll get to a car is making license plates for them.

The first thing he should do is get a real name, not something made up in a bar. The next is to get his GED. At least his time in jail wouldn’t have been wasted if he does.

Then we’ll give him Lakinisha’s (Knish for short)
phone number so he won’t be lonely.

Finally we’ll give him a year’s membership in the Republican Party and let all his “bros” know. That should keep him on the straight and narrow for years. And on the run!