[ConservativeMind]

Wife: Dear, what are you thinking?
Me: OK, you asked. I was wondering what sort of scientific principle writers use to describe why clothing on The Hulk somehow stays on him when he massively grows and then shrinks. His clothes become ragged cutoffs, but don't look completely unpresentable or embarrass him.

[FredZarguna]

[An actual pre-twitter conversation, via a proxy when President Calvin and Mrs. Coolidge were visiting a poultry farm.]

Farmer: Our rooster is so virile he can have sex with a chicken six times a day.
Mrs. Coolidge: Tell Mr. Coolidge.
Farmer (turning to silent Cal): Our rooster is so virile he can have sex with a chicken six times a day.
Calvin: With the same chicken?
Farmer: No...
Calvin: Tell Mrs. Coolidge.

[Vendome]

ROTFLMAO!!!!

“Don’t you die on me!”

“Want me to me make dinner”

“No, I know still tired from doing it in 2003”

LOL!!!

[glock rocks]

Funny stuff. My wife and I had the most remarkable banter for 22 years... lost her to leukemia. I love this post, reminds me of our days together. Good times. Thanks.

[Organic Panic]

#organicpanic

I’m glad I never married

[zencycler]

Wife: Men don’t know real pain because they get don’t pregnant and give birth.
Me: Are you kidding? Men have to do something much more painful!
Wife: What’s that?
Me: They have to live with a pregnant woman for nine months.

[fulltlt]

Wife: There’s a rest stop ahead.
me: Yup sure enough there is. (as I drive on by)
wife: You were supposed to stop at the rest stop. I need to use the bathroom.
me: You didn’t tell me that. All you said was there’s a rest stop coming up and I agreed with that observation.
wife: After being married for 35 years you’d think you’d know what I mean.
me: What, like read your mind?
wife: yes

still happens all the time.

[southern rock]

Total anti-male crap. I guess "womansplaining" is just fine. Typical BS portraying fathers and husbands as overgrown who require "adult" i.e. female supervision. If you reversed the gender on any of these , it would be considered sexist.

[Doogle]

.....at the time we were married about two years...
Out at an Italian resturant we both enjoyed and my
wife decided to bring up something that was bothering her all day.....me, so it seemed. On and on it went....finally the waitress came over to take our order. She had a hard time deciding what she was going to have....so I ordered. Then to make sure the rest of the meal was civil, I simply reminded her “ don’t forget hun,you’re eating for two”...well the waitress went into the obligatory when are you due blah blah blah...and I got to watch as she had to go through all the customary details...*grins*...of course she wasn’t pregnant, and by the glare she was giving me
I could tell she wasn’t going to conceive that evening.

[MarMema]

marking

[glock rocks]

[equaviator]

Marriage- You don’t have to love it.

Children- Having them is not a gift to the community.

Divorce? Hey, if they’re happy, I’m happy.

Single? Be careful what you wish for.

[small farm girl]

Him: do you want a cup of coffee?
Me: sure
Him, good, get me one too.

[Chickensoup]

sa

[where's_the_Outrage?]

Fact: There is a blind spot in the eyeball.
http://io9.gizmodo.com/5804116/why-every-human-has-a-blind-spot-—and-how-to-find-yours

Which helps explain why when the wife moves an item 1 foot men cannot find it because it always ends up in the blind spot.

[Phlap]

You can be married or you can be happy but you can not be happily married.

[mesoman7]

Wife: You can make me happy if you get me anything that makes me look good.

Me: How about a paper bag with two eye holes?

Wife: (glare)

Me: (no pulse)

[RegulatorCountry]

These are all predictable smart wife, dumb husband. Tired, unoriginal, not funny.

In the interest of levity and balance, how about:

Life’s a *itch, then you marry one.

Are you happy, or are you married?

If a man’s alone in a forest, is he still wrong?

[Daffynition]

[trisham]

LOLOL!! Thank you!