I identify as a Transgender Transracial Transmuslim Transspecies Transpsychic Transnational Transsiberian.
Do I get my government handout now?
I once knew a sweet Transvestite from Transsexual Transylvania. You guys would probably get along swimmingly.
I’ll just identify as Whatever...then fill in the blank depending on whichever group is getting the goodies on the particular occasion.
True story: Several years ago, I was trying to enroll my kid in a certain school which was using a racial quota system to “accurately reflect the school district’s diverse demographics.” There were a certain number of slots reserved for each ethnic group.
Hmmm. Which box to check? Couldn’t pass for black, Asian, or Samoan, so scratch those.
But white? Hispanic? Latino? Native American? Our family could be any of these. If I checked the wrong box, and that particular demographic’s quota was already filled, my kid would be locked out.
I decided to call the Black Dude In Charge and explain the conundrum.
He paused, laughed uproariously, and said, “Well, we need more Latinos this year.”
I asked him what’s the difference between a Hispanic and a Latino.
He said, “You got me there, dunno. I just know we’re short on Latinos.”
Okie doke. My kid was Latino that year.
The following year, after quizzing the Dude again, I re-enrolled my boy as a Hispanic.
You gotta know the routine. And the right people.
Add “transmogrified” and I think you’re good.