Posted on 10/10/2015 5:56:18 PM PDT by 100American
No kidding?
Seriously?
Have one last item, the house...
of course I deserve nothing and we will leave the rest as u know it...
Spiritually I am guided to pay off the house and gift it to her, as God tells us blessing those who curse us is loke piuring hot coals on their heads
Sounds strange, but hear me out...
The house is a very unique architecture and took a long time to sell because of it. She has her Boyfriend there and he provides little or nothing to upkeep etc.
The house will be hers and it will pull her down as she has no one to care for it, no one to order about and cadge because I was less than her measure..
And I am FREE!!!
Orgegon? Was that an actual screen capture?
As far as I know and it doesn’t surprise me :)
Here we go again with the psycho-babble BS
Nor does he have unrealistic fantasies of being successful- he actually is very successful. And just because of that, the libs like to call him narcissistic. Politicians are actually more narcissistic - they haven’t accomplished a thing with their lives.
Yup, my mother is a narcissist. Undiagnosed because of course, she is perfect.... but my sister and I have finally figured out what was so wrong with our childhood.
Serious as a heart attack.
So sorry to hear this. I cannot imagine what it must be like to not have a mother who loves and cherishes you. It’s just so wrong.
Just curious:
Have you and your sister gone no contact?
Did she pit you and your sister against each other?
Is there another sibling who is the golden child?
Coincidence or not?
Yes on all counts!
I didn’t have contact for about 5 years, and then after that it was very limited. And under my control so I could leave at any time. My sister never went that far, but was ‘busy’ a lot. She was a neurologist and was going to specialize in psychiatry at first. Wonder why? ;)
Our other sister, the middle child, could do no wrong. And we couldn’t do anything right, although it was obvious that our career choices were a bit more successful financially and opportunity-wise and our family choices were more moral and stable. But we never tried to be ‘mini-moms’ and that was all that mattered. Our middle sister did a lit of mom’s dirty work - telling on us, making nasty comments on mom’s behalf so she could keep playing her role of the perfect mother. Middle sister did this until she died, so she never got to individuate and be her own person. I had hoped one day counseling could help her, especially when mom died and she felt lost without being controlled. But events didn’t turn out that way.
I wasn’t even told she was in hospice until after she died, even though she called me when she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I KNOW it was because they (mom and her co-conspirator husband) were mad I wasn’t the one that died. Even though that sounds sad to say, it’s actually extremely freeing. Any bond I thought I might have had is now severed.
Thanks for asking. Just interested or are you a mental health professional?
No, not a mental health professional, but I’m very interested in this disorder because of a friend’s situation with her narcissistic husband of 35 years and I’ve researched it.
Over the years she would tell me things that he’d said or done and many times I would think, “what’s the big deal?” But the episodes began piling up and I began really taking note.
There are some very good Youtube videos by people dealing with this and it’s by their anecdotes and some of them even record phone conversations with the narcissist that my eyes have been opened. I’m still learning.
The list of classic narcissist symptoms listed at the start of this thread, to me, are useless. They are too vague and clinical; they don’t give the real situation. For example:
1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
4. Requires excessive admiration
None of the above clinical symptoms express the gaslighting, triangulating, manipulating and lying that goes on in the home with one of these people. And I think it’s a disservice to people who have lived with/been raised by one of these people, many of whom go through their whole lives without realizing why they are so screwed up. They think something’s wrong with them, that they’re defective and it’s the parent/husband, etc.!
My friend has taken almost 30 years to figure it out and get out of there. Some people never do. It’s great to hear that you and your sister escaped. But the perfect example, as you said, is your other sister. She died never knowing how she was manipulated and deceived and brainwashed.
You’ve hit the nail on the head - trying to tell someone about the narcissist is difficult, especially if one is embroiled in it and can’t explain it in perspective. Each event sounds innocuous so others think it’s nothing. it’s hard to get feedback validating your feelings and at home the narcissist puts down those feelings and makes you think you’re the crazy one.
That’s why it took me 40 years to figure it out! I was the youngest and didn’t stand a chance- in was blamed for the family dysfunction when less than 5, and it got worse from there. When I was a teenager, my ‘good’ sister who was 10 years older got me “I didn’t promise you a rose garden” about a girl in a mental facility! They triangulated against me, as you mentioned is done.
I’m glad you were and to help your friend-having you validate her feelings and observations probably saved her!
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