Posted on 07/18/2015 1:26:11 AM PDT by afraidfortherepublic
Ammo Grrrll returns with timely thoughts on NEGOTIATING 101. She writes:
I have been married to Mr. Ammo Grrrll for 48 happy years. God forbid anything should happen to this marriage, but if it should, I want Barack Hussein Obama and John FibSwiftboat Kerry to be the attorneys for my husband.
Me: I want the house in Arizona and both cars. Plus alimony of $10 million a month. In gold. I need to buy a lot more guns. A lot. He can have the Papa Murphy coupons, all science fiction, and any souvenir t-shirts or caps mentioning the Chicago Cubs. I need substantial child support as well.
HBO/JK: Fine. We are just hunky-dory with that. We werent aware you had a little dependent child.
Me: Hes 42. Still on my insurance under Obamacares newest extension. I also want the house in Minnesota and all the CDs. Also the CD player.
HBO/JK: Sounds fair to us. Apparently, the CD player is the one technological device you can actually operate. We do fail to grasp why anyone would live in Minnesota. Have you seen Fargo, for Petes sake?
Me: Be that as it may. I need my 401K, of course, but I want his too. Its quite a bit bigger than mine.
HBO/JK: We see no problem with that.
HBO/JK: We would like to inspect your checkbook and portfolio to make sure you arent hiding any assets that would normally be part of community property. You know, if we could. Please.
Me: Inspections? Are you crazy? Inspections were never on the table. No. Death to you, Great Satan, and Satan Mini-Me.
HBO/JK: Well, OK, then, we give up. Dont say we didnt try.
Me: As well you should give up, you sons of pigs and dogs.
HBO/JK: We see that you are holding his four boxes of baseball cards hostage. Could we possibly mention that he would like those back before we conclude here?
Me: No.
HBO/JK: You seem bitter and angry even though youve won. Will you promise not to kill him any earlier than 10-15 years from now?
Me: Absolutely.
HBO/JK: You do know, right, that crossing your fingers is childish and does not invalidate this negotiation that 99% of the whole wide world supports?
Me: Neener, neener.
HBO/JK: Well, guess were done here. Another successful settlement. Wheres our Peace Prize?
For your amusement.
bttt
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.