White House Methane Madness

Contrary to persistent claims by environmentalists, Methane is not an important greenhouse gas (GHG); it has a totally negligible impact on climate. Attempts to control methane emissions make little sense; the just-announced [Jan 14] White House plan to reduce emissions by 40 to 45% by 2025 ignores well-established ‘text-book’ science.

Methane (chemical formula CH4) is the main component of natural gas. It may technically be defined as a greenhouse gas since it absorbs strongly in some portions of the infrared spectrum; but its impact on climate is insignificant. Its atmospheric level has been increasing because about half of the methane is produced by processes related to human activities, such as cattle raising, rice agriculture, landfills, and the production of oil and natural gas; it is also released in coal mining and from leaky natural gas pipelines. The major non-human sources include swamps and bogs.

***The major non-human sources include swamps and bogs.***

This reminds me of an old cartoon from about 50 years ago in a national Magazine.

A bi-plane flies over some jungle natives who get frightened of it. One witch doctor turns to the chief and says ...”Swamp gas.”

For those not born back in those days, every UFO sighting at that time was blamed on swamp gas.

Methane gas has increased 150% in the atmosphere since the mid 1700’s. (During the same time period, carbon dioxide has increased only 30 %.) A gram of methane gas has more than 25 times as much greenhouse gas impact as a gram carbon dioxide. As many know, flatulence, “farts,” are composed almost entirely of methane gas.

Therefore, Al Gore has developed a new program to combat this obviously increasing peril to our planet, and make a little money for himself at the same time.

It is called Fat Al’s Recycle Technology (F. A. R. T.).

Everyone will be required to wear a “F.A.R.T. meter,” (Cost $75, available only from Al Gore) which will record and automatically transmit to a new government agency (the Federal Automatic Recording Technology Department, The FART Dept.) the occasion of each fart and the volume thereof.

For an additional fee of $4,500, interested parties can purchase a fart capture device (available only from Al Gore). This 25 pound device can be conveniently worn under the special clothing available also from Al Gore in attractive shades of brown.

When full, the interested consumer can present his fart capture device to Al Gore’s recycling center, where for a fee of $0.10 per fart, the captured farts will be recycled into the US natural gas distribution system. Al Gore also will receive a modest fee of only $0.015 per fart for the energy content of the gas.

The interested consumer will also receive “fart credits” for the number of farts he recycles. These “fart credits” can be traded to other consumers, who elected not to purchase a fart capture device, through Al Gore’s Fart Trading Exchange. Al Gore will extract only a small commission of $0.01 per fart for each trade.

All Consumers will be required to be “fart neutral” by a “Cap and Trade” regulation, administered by the new FART Department.

Legislation is being developed as we speak, by the concerned former Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, and her erstwhile compatriot in the Senate, Harry Reid.

Get ahead of the mandated stampede to control this growing threat to our planet. Get you fart capture device now.

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