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Sentence him to Boot Camp at Parris Island, with his identity kept secret and the identities of all D.I.s secret too.

Also all records of his time at PI to be stored on IRS hard drives.

For good measure, send him through “One Day Motivation” followed by Corrective Custody Platoon.

After graduation, post him to Afghanistan to be the Last Man Out of Afghanistan.

Then give him his DD-214 and he can run for office as a USMC veteran.

Interesting recollections from a Marine about Parris Island and other duty stations:
http://ussbostonshipmates.yuku.com/topic/862/Marine-Corps-19721974#.U83QlbHtlTc

For good measure, send him through “One Day Motivation” followed by Corrective Custody Platoon.

CCP. The Chrome Domes. Don't even get caught eyef*cking those guys in the chow hall. Their Drill Instructors (with black smokies) were mean.

I never had to do one day moto, (we called it GIT at Dago), but we sent three prives one sunny day at 0430. They came back to the Platoon at 19:30. Sand head to toe, with their buckets in hand and the look of stunned terror on their faces.

Snapped a lot of us out of our dumbshit, most rikky tik.