The IRS Response:
"Tragically, all communications from January 1, 1986 to the present day have been erroneously destroyed. We checked out a single hard drive on one computer where the records were kept, to an Air Hockey Game tournament, where it was mistakenly used as a puck. The information is, sadly, irretrievable. Oh, and the damaged platters were eaten by our dog."
"PS: F*** you. Expect an audit, bitch."