Use your hands on my daughter and you’ll lose them after.
You make her cry, I make you cry.
Safe sex is a myth. Anything you try will be hazardous to your health.
Bring her home late, there’s no next date.
If you pull into my driveway and honk, you better be dropping off a package because you’re sure not picking anything up (Alternative rule #5: Only delivery men honk. Dates ring the doorbell. Once.)
No complaining while you’re waiting for her. If you’re bored, change my oil.
If your pants hang off your hips, I’ll gladly secure them with my staple gun.
Dates must be in crowded public places. You want romance? Read a book.
Get a job
Understand I don’t like you
I’m everywhere
You hurt her, I hurt you
Be home 30 minutes early
Get a lawyer
If you lie to me, I will find out
She’s my princess, not your conquest
I don’t mind going back to jail
Whatever you do to her, I will do to you
“Safe sex is a myth. Anything you try will be hazardous to your health.”
A condom will not protect you from an ass-whuppin’.
Rodney Atkins - Cleaning This Gun (Come On In Boy)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cM42nG7Tjgs
I don’t remember all that Spanish
Or The Gettysburg Address
But there is one speech from high school
I’ll never forget
Come on in boy, sit on down
And tell me about yourself
So you like my daughter, do you now?
Yeah, we think she’s something else
She’s her daddy’s girl
Her momma’s world
She deserves respect
Thats what she’ll get, aint it son?
Now, y’all run along and have some fun
I’ll see you when you get back
Bet Ill be up all night
Still cleaning this gun
Well, now that Im a father
Im scared to death one day my daughter
Is gonna find that teenage boy I used to be
That seems to have just one thing on his mind
Shes growin’ up so fast
It won’t be long before
Yeah, Ill have to put the fear of God
Into some kid at the door
Now it’s all for show
Aint nobody gonna get hurt
Its just a daddy thing
And hey, believe me, man, it works
Now yall run along and have a little fun
And I’ll see you when you get back
Probably be up all night
Still cleaning this gun
Son, now y’all buckle up
And have her back by 10:00, uh
Let’s say about 9:30
Drive safe
Well *ahem* there are certain exceptions to that.