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Nice post. Thanks.

I may have missed it, but did you mention the problem of still caring for the spouse, despite what she/he is trying to do to you?

If an individual goes into a marriage with a devout intent to make the marriage work, the person who has been served with divorce papers may still care a great deal for the spouse divorcing them.

I’m sure you’ve run into this. What’s your advice for people who still care for the spouse, despite what they are doing?

Is there anything short of, “You’re just an idiot.”, that you can come up with that would be constructive?

Understand that the opposite of love is not hate, but apathy.

Having been through divorce, I can say that it is not something that I advocate.

I advise that you move on. It is OK to still care about your former spouse, and wish her well. But, whatever you had has been broken and you will have to start new. I tried this route and it ended where it began, so I don’t advise trying to reconcile, but just end it. Separate yourself, and think about your future and health. It should be clear that your former spouse is not thinking about you and your future and your health. She is thinking about herself.

It is difficult, painful and lonely but the cleaner and faster the break, the sooner you can start getting on with your life. It will take time to get over it, and you will.

I lived in crappy neighborhoods with drug dealers and lowlifes of every sort for 15 years, as I had simply nothing left of my paycheck after child support, medical insurance, child care and my half of whatever activities that my children were engaged in. I drove a rusted out 1980 Olds Cutlass for close 8 years. Then, I bought another used car which was only slightly better. The next time I saw my children I picked them up in it, shortly threrafter, I found myself back in court with her demanding a raise in support. Which the court automatically granted, over and over, and over. I lived on less than $10,000 cash dollars per year and I had a $40,000 nut to crack for the credit cards she ran up at the end.

Mind you she had remarried and was living in a 2500 sq.ft. home in an upper income neighborhood. I lived in the city on the edge of the ghetto in a furnished two bedroom for $475/mo. It was the best I could afford. I ate subsistence food. This is while I was a mid-level engineering project manager making in the mid-$70K. I got the children from 10:00 am saturday to 5:00 pm sunday twice per month unless the ex has something planned in which it might only be once per month or less.

About two years in to that was when the OJ thing was happening, and that is when I knew deep down in my heart of hearts...that OJ... did it.

“You’re an idiot” isn’t for me to say. However “See, I told you so” is. And I reserve this for when it will sting the most, and it will be that time you will know for yourself and I will not have to say it. Good friends will know that it is understood.