"My heart goes out to you. I understand what you are going through and I would not wish it on any family."
My mother was VERY firm on her wishes.....when she could no longer live on her own, she was to be put in a nursing home...period. She had had to care for her grandmother who had dementia and didn't want to saddle her children with such a task.
My MIL actually has a Long Term Care policy and my sisters-in-law still wouldn’t let us put her in a home until 2 months ago and now that we have she has lost so much cognitive ability that it is almost impossible and we are having to look for a lock-down facility. They have waiting times of several years around here.
Of course, they weren’t the ones taking care of her and I finally put my foot down and said that we wouldn’t take care of her a day more and they could do it and they changed their minds overnight.