When my son was in middle school, some years ago, he asked me out of the blue in the car one time if I’d ever been unfaithful. Fortunately, it was easy for me to tell the truth. What was on his mind was a friend of his whose parents were splitting up because of some kind of an affair. What I remember most was that he stated to me that it was his GREATEST FEAR that his mother and I would break up. You know, in my youth, such a thing never even occurred to me.
I’m divorced, two kids...Even though my ex-wife asked for the divorce, there is not a day that goes by that I do not feel guilt for what my kids have had to deal with...divorce is a terrible thing, it is really a death, just the death of a marriage not a person....
I went to a seminar on parenting teens, and the guy had written a book on adolescence. Scientific studies, etc. He said that adolescence is the time one spends “discovering themselves”. Back in Christ’s time there was no adolescence as since childhood the stories of their tribe had been told, and the kids KNEW who they were.
Nowadays with TV, numerous cultures, no discussion of family “tribes” adolescence doesn’t end until an average of 26 years of age!! (Some researchers say early 30’s).
One comment he made was that kids in a “nuclear family” don’t even see themselves as that - they see it as a set of parents ready to divorce and the family split apart. What a fear to live with! We have also had to reassure the kids that we aren’t getting a divorce a few times (back when they were younger).
“Yes, your mom and I WERE angry at each other. But we talked about it and will work things out. No, we are not getting a divorce. Marriage is NOT easy - do you agree with YOUR friends all the time? No - but they are still your friends. Life is tough sometimes. Get over it.”