East Helena heard from...Anaconda!
Dear Becky:
We have been unable to run any stories about President Obama’s tremendous victory in Benghazi because of our ten-part story on Governor Brian Schweitzer’s courageous battle with ear wax.
The Independent Record
Dear Becky:
We journalists here at the Independent Record pride ourselves on being fair and non-partisan in all our writing. Now, quit sending us this Tea Party Republican stuff so we can write about our adulation for Jon Tester.
The Independent Record
Dear Becky:
Thank-you for your letter. The Independent Record has sent our finest reporter to cover this story. Ummmmm....Benghazi is the capital of Idaho, isn’t it? We’re hoping she sends us a couple of bushels of spuds.
The Independent Record
Dear Becky:
We here at the Independent Record take great offense at your insinuation that we are not professional journalists. Dang it! My crayon broke. Well, just you wait until I get back from Wal-Mart with my new box of 64 crayons! I’ll dazzle you with my sharp wit in magenta!
The Independent Record
Dear Becky:
We here at the Independent Record are not lapdogs for the Democrats! Just a minute, Max Baucus just gave me a dog biscuit and scratched behind my ear. I have to wag my tail at him.
The Independent Record
Dear Becky:
We feel that we are indeed, an independent source of news....in a “suck-up to the Democrats” sort of way.
The Independent Record
Dear Becky:
You seem to be saying that we crucify Republicans. This is simply not true. We call it “Zoomba stretching them up until they vote Democrat”. Crucify is such a harsh word. Can we count on you coming to our Democrat victory party? Brian Schweitzer is providing the cake!
The Independent Record
Dear Becky:
As you probably know, Lee Enterprises has had to declare bankruptcy. Some people say this happened because of our blatant favoritism towards the Democrats. We disagree. We think it’s because we stopped printing AUNT POLLY’S GARDEN GUIDE AND HORSE RACING TIPS. Her column was very popular.
The Independent Record
Dear Becky:
You can’t honestly say you “hear nothing from Lee newspapers”. Did you not see our front page story on how the Democrats like puppies and brush their teeth every day? That’s some hard hitting journalism!
The Independent Record
Dear Becky:
We’ve written stories every day praising the Democrats and demonizing the Republicans. We feel this is fair and balanced. Yet, the Republicans seem to be leading in all races. What do we have to do....have each Indian vote five times for the Democrats? That’s Brian Schweitzer’s job. Did you hear that he’s going to go back to Kalispell and blow goats? I guess he’s going into the goat shampooing and drying business.
The Independent Record