‘Comrades!’ cried an eager youthful voice. ‘Attention, comrades! We have glorious news for you. We have won the battle for production! Returns now completed of the output of all classes of consumption goods show that the standard of living has risen by no less than 20 per cent over the past year. All over the North American Union this morning there were irrepressible spontaneous demonstrations when workers marched out of factories and offices and paraded through the streets with banners voicing their gratitude to Barack Obama and Count von Chocula for the new, happy life which their wise leadership has bestowed upon us. Here are some of the completed figures. Foodstuffs ——’
