Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Puritan view of adultery turns Brits into 'caged animals' says academic
Telegraph (UK) ^ | By John Bingham, Social Affairs Editor | 7:00AM BST 20 Aug 2012

Posted on 08/20/2012 10:49:36 AM PDT by a fool in paradise

An “unforgiving, puritan Anglo-Saxon” attitude to adultery is damaging married life in Britain, driving couples to divorce rather than strengthening the family, according to an outspoken French academic.

--

Dr Catherine Hakim, a sociologist and bestselling author, argues that a “sour and rigid English view” of infidelity is condemning millions of people to live frustrated “celibate” lives with their spouses.

In a book bound to provoke controversy, she likens faithful husbands and wives to “caged animals” and argues that they should be free to explore their “wild side” with lovers without the threat of divorce.

Meeting a secret lover for a casual encounter should be as routine as dining out at a restaurant instead of eating at home, she claims.

British couples should take their cue from French, who she claims are happier and have more stable home lives because of a permissive and “philosophical” approach to adultery...

Dr Hakim, a former London School of Economics social scientist who is now based at the think-tank the Centre for Policy Studies, provoked controversy last year with a book urging women to exploit their “erotic capital” to get on life.

In her latest book, The New Rules, she renames adulterous trysts as “parallel relationships” and “playfairs” while rebranding secret lovers as “playmates”.

She claims that there is such a thing as a “successful affair” in which both parties are happier but no one gets hurt...

“Sex is no more a moral issue than eating a good meal,” she writes...

She attacks traditional morality which has underpinned the family unit for centuries but also accuses relationship counsellors and therapists of trying to "pedal a secret agenda of enforced exclusive monogamy”...

(Excerpt) Read more at telegraph.co.uk ...


TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; Extended News; United Kingdom
KEYWORDS: adultery; affairs; anotherstudy; catherinehakim; culturewar; france; hookupculture; infidelity; itsjustsex; marriage; moralabsolutes; rkselection; sexpositiveagenda; sexsells; smashmonogamy; swingers; thereisnoenglandnow

1 posted on 08/20/2012 10:49:46 AM PDT by a fool in paradise
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: wagglebee

Moral Absolutes ping.

I’ve said it repeatedly, the goal of the sex positive agenda is to smash monogamy and end ALL moral judgments over ALL sexual pairings regardless of sex, age, relation, marital status, number, or species of partner(s).

The homosexual agenda is merely the battering ram for the whole hog.


2 posted on 08/20/2012 10:55:57 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (Only Obama put a dog on the roof of his mouth. Dogs are friends, not food.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise

I am senior citizen. Throughout my entire life, I have only seen infidelity cause pain, divorce, and complete unhappiness. This woman is pathetic and should have enough sense to keep her opinions to herself.


3 posted on 08/20/2012 11:00:17 AM PDT by Essie
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise

At least the Brits can win wars.


4 posted on 08/20/2012 11:01:40 AM PDT by henkster (We're the slaves of the phony leaders...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise

The average French intellectual is as worthless as the average French soldier.


5 posted on 08/20/2012 11:03:35 AM PDT by jmacusa (Political correctness is cultural Marxism. I'm not a Marxist.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise

DR.?????? Hakim?

Education with no wisdom. A successful marriage must ALWAYS be based on love, trust, integrity and commitment. Hanky panky, even with written permission, inevitably leads to insecurity, jealousy, hurt feelings, conflict and the loss of trust. Dr. Hakim is either a stooge or she is evil. . . nothing is in between in this case.


6 posted on 08/20/2012 11:04:08 AM PDT by RatRipper (Obama, YOU LIE!!! . . .again and again and again and again, ad infinitum. . . .)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise

Wonder how Dr. Catherine Hakam would feel if her husband (big assumption there) was banging her sister, her neighbor’s wife, the PTA secretary, and some disease riddled crack Ho just for good measure?

Wonder how Dr. Catherine would feel if her children (2nd big assumption) wondered why they saw Dad out with another woman, kissing her? Or that Dad has fathered other kids from another woman?

Lastly, wonder how Dr. Cathering would feel at Church (3rd and largest assumption) if everyone knew she had an open marriage? That she and/or her husband were swingers, or at least advocated that others do so? Would she be proud of herself? How would her Pastor feel about it? How would her GOD feel about it?


7 posted on 08/20/2012 11:04:36 AM PDT by Made In The USA (Can we cut the BS and just say it like it is?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise
according to an outspoken French academic.

Take your Madame Bovary attitude and shove it.

8 posted on 08/20/2012 11:05:07 AM PDT by C19fan
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise
“Sex is no more a moral issue than eating a good meal,” she writes...

If true, then rape should be no more traumatic than being forced to eat a meal with a stranger.

9 posted on 08/20/2012 11:05:39 AM PDT by Sherman Logan
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise

“Hakim”...hmmmm, doesn’t sound like a typical British name, does it?


10 posted on 08/20/2012 11:06:32 AM PDT by dfwgator
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Essie

Free love isn’t free.


11 posted on 08/20/2012 11:12:15 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (Only Obama put a dog on the roof of his mouth. Dogs are friends, not food.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Made In The USA

I wonder how she’d feel if her husband gave her HIV, genital warts, Herpes, or a whole slew of other STDs, and there are a lot of them.


12 posted on 08/20/2012 11:13:41 AM PDT by pops88 (Standing with Breitbart for truth.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise
I know several people in situations like this.

I don't know what the solution is.

I do know that without family and children society is doomed and the future is a miserable place.

13 posted on 08/20/2012 11:14:27 AM PDT by conservative sympathizer
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Sherman Logan
“Sex is no more a moral issue than eating a good meal,” she writes...

>> If true, then rape should be no more traumatic than being forced to eat a meal with a stranger.

"Aiiiiee! Noooooooooooo!!!"


14 posted on 08/20/2012 11:15:04 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (Only Obama put a dog on the roof of his mouth. Dogs are friends, not food.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise

What a disgusting fatbody. UNSAT!!! He needs P.T.


15 posted on 08/20/2012 11:16:21 AM PDT by AmericanSamurai
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 14 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise
A photograph of Dr. Hakim, from her own website:


16 posted on 08/20/2012 11:17:08 AM PDT by ArrogantBustard (Western Civilization is Aborting, Buggering, and Contracepting itself out of existence.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Sherman Logan
“Sex is no more a moral issue than eating a good meal,” she writes...

Vegans insist that meat is murder.

Greenie Weenies insist that the beef industry is killing the planet.

Michelle Obama and Nanny Bloomberg insist that fatty foods are a criminal enterprise.

Chick-Fil-A is called "hate chicken".

In this day and age, it safer to make moral arguments against foods than sexual perversions.

17 posted on 08/20/2012 11:17:24 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (Only Obama put a dog on the roof of his mouth. Dogs are friends, not food.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise

Good luck explaining this point of view to the Living God.


18 posted on 08/20/2012 11:23:23 AM PDT by patriotsblood
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise

I guess the concepts of a wholesome family life and the welfare of children are incidental.


19 posted on 08/20/2012 11:25:54 AM PDT by SMARTY ("The man who has no inner-life is a slave to his surroundings. "Henri Frederic Amiel)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: SMARTY

Because it is all about me, me, me. Screw (no pun intended, maybe) the rest of you. I have my feelings to think about.


20 posted on 08/20/2012 11:31:21 AM PDT by crusty old prospector
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 19 | View Replies]

To: crusty old prospector

Homosexuals, abortionists, STD professionals, pornographers, and educrats are pushing this worldview. Why is that?


21 posted on 08/20/2012 11:34:59 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (Only Obama put a dog on the roof of his mouth. Dogs are friends, not food.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: Made In The USA

Dr. Catherine Hakam would feel if her husband (big assumption there)

- - - - - - -

I would assume she is single.


22 posted on 08/20/2012 11:40:25 AM PDT by thackney (life is fragile, handle with prayer)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: ArrogantBustard

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/the-womens-blog-with-jane-martinson/2011/aug/25/catherine-hakim-erotic-capital

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/aug/19/catherine-hakim-interview?intcmp=239

23 posted on 08/20/2012 11:43:11 AM PDT by thackney (life is fragile, handle with prayer)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 16 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise

Because we live in a fallen world.


24 posted on 08/20/2012 11:47:15 AM PDT by crusty old prospector
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 21 | View Replies]

To: thackney

Damn, she looks like she was fooling around with Ronald McDonald.


25 posted on 08/20/2012 11:49:11 AM PDT by dragonblustar (Allah Ain't So Akbar!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 23 | View Replies]

To: thackney
She has decent bone structure. Her body weight is well within normal bounds. She's well-endowed. She has rich red hair.

And yet ...

I find her absolutely, utterly, irredeemably UNattractive.

Beauty may well be only skin deep, but ugly really does go right to the core.

26 posted on 08/20/2012 11:50:49 AM PDT by ArrogantBustard (Western Civilization is Aborting, Buggering, and Contracepting itself out of existence.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 23 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise
Ah yes, the French sure know what they're talking about...

French farmer 'mows down love rival with tractor' A French farmer killed his wife's lover after chasing him across fields in his tractor and mowing him down.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/france/9488012/French-farmer-mows-down-love-rival-with-tractor.html

27 posted on 08/20/2012 11:52:12 AM PDT by dragonblustar (Allah Ain't So Akbar!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise

I don’t like to share my toothbrush either!


28 posted on 08/20/2012 11:54:59 AM PDT by SWAMPSNIPER (The Second Amendment, a Matter of Fact, Not a Matter of Opinion)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: conservative sympathizer
I know several people in situations like this. I don't know what the solution is.

It would be difficult.

There are men and women whose spouses have cut them off sexually...easy for people w/o that problem to say stick with it. I feel for these people.

Most think this is a men only problem but it is not...far from it. Marriage counselor friend of mine said that is one of the biggest complaints from women in unhappy marriages..their hubby neglects them physically, no intimacy and no affection from them. I can't imagine why a husband would do that but I guess it happens.

If I had a spouse that did who cut me off I would make every herculean effort to get her to change but if not divorce would be the best option. Life is too short to go through it celibate, frustrated and unhappy.

Can't imagine an "open marriage" myself but realize there are couples who do this.

29 posted on 08/20/2012 12:22:36 PM PDT by trailhkr1
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: trailhkr1

“There are men and women whose spouses have cut them off sexually...easy for people w/o that problem to say stick with it. I feel for these people.” Very thoughtful opinion. To me, spouses that do that or use sex as a weapon to control or manipulate instead of for bonding, relief and the pursuit of happiness are guilty of an offense equivalent to adultery.


30 posted on 08/20/2012 12:34:25 PM PDT by ynotjjr (Romney/Ryan 2012 It's called the Constitution. Learn it, live it, love it!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 29 | View Replies]

To: ynotjjr
To me, spouses that do that or use sex as a weapon to control or manipulate instead of for bonding, relief and the pursuit of happiness are guilty of an offense equivalent to adultery.

Marriage without physical affection and intimacy is just roommates with a tax deduction.

31 posted on 08/20/2012 1:14:07 PM PDT by trailhkr1
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 30 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise; Essie; RatRipper; Made In The USA; C19fan; Sherman Logan; pops88; ...

This is all part of what Liberalism is, biologically, which is the r-selected reproductive strategy in humans.

In evolutionary biology, r/K selection theory basically says organisms tend to adopt one of two “psychologies,” which guide their behavior. These two psychologies are identical to Conservatism and Liberalism, and indeed, you can look at other more primitive species, and see the more primitive forms of our ideologies in them.

The K-selected psychology is designed for an environment of limited resources, where one must compete to acquire resources, and where those who fail to compete die. One example would be the wolf. This produces individuals who are individually competitive, monogamous, prone to high-investment, two parent parenting, prone to wait until fully mature to mate, and who exhibit loyalty to a competitive “in-group.” The reason for monogamy with a carefully selected mate, two parent rearing, and offspring waiting until maximally mature before taking a mate, is to maximize the offspring’s fitness, since they need to be able to outcompete peers for food. Mating with just anyone produces less fit offspring, as does inferior rearing strategies, or trying to mate before mature. K-selected males tend to be big, aggressive, and take the role of protecting offspring, while females tend to be “feminine,” by our K-selected standards, and take the role of nurturing offspring, and guiding them away from danger.

The r-selected psychology is designed for an environment of resource abundance, where one doesn’t need to compete for any of the over-abundant resources, and where competing is actually a needless danger, which Darwin selects against. An example of this is the rabbit, which lies in a field of grass it could never possibly eat. Since there is no competition, every offspring will survive, and there is no reason to focus on carefully producing a few, highly fit offspring. Instead, any offspring, no matter how stupid, can survive.

This produces a population which is averse to competition, and which flees from any danger, and which maximizes offspring numbers through promiscuity, single parenting, and mating as early as possible (without any care for offspring fitness. Since there is no competition, they will also not have any loyalty to in-group (the very notion of in-group would be foreign to them).

r-selected organisms see the females become big and “manly,” by our K-selected standards, since they raise offspring alone and need to be strong enough to provision and protect them. Ever see some of these man-jawed, muscle-bound, hyper-ambitious feminist chicks? r-selected males tend to be designed solely for fleeing and fornicating, and will become diminutive, cowardly, and focused on superficial flash over competitive substance. Think Gavin Newsom, or any other metrosexual manboob, aka Rush Limbaugh’s Castrati.

Every aspect of Liberalism relates to the r-strategy, as that is what a Liberal is- a human r-strategist. Even the sexual dimorphism matches.

You can’t understand politics, or the bizarre things Liberals do without understanding r/K Selection Theory, and how every aspect of their ideology is an adaptation to the r-selective environment.

Check out my website and my blog, if this interests you (there’s a book for sale on the site, but you’ll have more than enough to read just on the website and blog, and it will explain this plenty well). Later this week, I role out a pretty cool blog post discussing neurological correlates between Homosexuals and Liberals, how homosexuality is probably just an extreme form of the r-selected reproductive strategy, and how studies of the balancing selection hypothesis of Homosexuality supports this perfectly. (In other words, there is scientific evidence which supports the hypothesis that Liberals are just moderated Homosexuals, and homosexuals are just nature periodically overshooting the r-type Liberal mark.) Plus there is other interesting stuff on brain function, psychology, and ideology in the blog.

http://www.anonymousconservative.com/

Also a pretty long, technical look at what ideologies are about, and how they emerge from the brain here in pdf form:

http://www.anonymousconservative.com/modern.pdf

Tell your friends!

LOL


32 posted on 08/20/2012 2:03:02 PM PDT by AnonymousConservative (Why did Liberals evolve within our species? www.anonymousconservative.com)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise

is it really “caged animals”, or is it “civilized animals”

Amazing that in Judeo-Christian dominant nations, the anti-sexual-fiedlity researchers always blame “puritanical” values arizing from that Judeo-Christain heritage, while the same values are, and have been, dominant in “heathen” China, Korea and India, and arose there without a Judeo-Christian dominant culture. A reality the anti-sexual-fidelity researchers can never explain.


33 posted on 08/20/2012 2:13:23 PM PDT by Wuli
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise
I’ve said it repeatedly, the goal of the sex positive agenda is to smash monogamy and end ALL moral judgments over ALL sexual pairings regardless of sex, age, relation, marital status, number, or species of partner(s).

Sex: the only matter on which the Left advocates laissez faire (cause the Tyrant of Heaven can't boss us around no more, you understand).

34 posted on 08/20/2012 2:26:22 PM PDT by Zionist Conspirator (Ki-hagoy vehamamlakhah 'asher lo'-ya`avdukh yove'du; vehagoyim charov yecheravu!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: trailhkr1

Been there. I’d rather be alone then wish I was. I had a lot of time to think about it.


35 posted on 08/20/2012 3:02:31 PM PDT by ynotjjr (Romney/Ryan 2012 It's called the Constitution. Learn it, live it, love it!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 31 | View Replies]

To: trailhkr1

Been there. I’d rather be alone then wish I was. I had a lot of time to think about it.


36 posted on 08/20/2012 3:02:44 PM PDT by ynotjjr (Romney/Ryan 2012 It's called the Constitution. Learn it, live it, love it!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 31 | View Replies]

To: Zionist Conspirator

It isn’t a “whatever happens, happens” policy, the Left openly ADVOCATES for random sexual experimentation at every age with no discussion of consequence (pregnancy, disease, mental anguish, declining morals).

Free love ain’t free.


37 posted on 08/20/2012 3:24:11 PM PDT by a fool in paradise (Only Obama put a dog on the roof of his mouth. Dogs are friends, not food.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 34 | View Replies]

To: Zionist Conspirator
http://www.positive.org/Home/index.html

We have a quick and easy online tour through the most important topics for teens who are sexually active now or just thinking about having sex. It's called "Just Say Yes" (en español: "¡Di Que Sí!") because we're tired of people telling us what we can and can't do. There's no preaching. No moralizing. Just the facts.

http://www.positive.org/JustSayYes/index.html

Just Say Yes is about having a positive attitude towards sexuality -- gay, straight,bisexual or whatever. It's about saying "yes" to sex you do want, and "no" to sex you don't. It says there's nothing wrong with you if you decide to have sex, and nothing wrong with you if you decide not to.

You have the right to make your own choices, and to have people respect them.

Sex is enjoyable when everyone involved is into it, and when everyone has the information they need to take care of themselves and each other.

Globally (and nationally) taxpayer dollars fund this agenda (through public hospitals, medical clinics, Planned Parenthood, SIECUS and other groups.

38 posted on 08/20/2012 3:32:58 PM PDT by a fool in paradise (Only Obama put a dog on the roof of his mouth. Dogs are friends, not food.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 34 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise
Puritan view of adultery turns Brits into 'caged animals with bad teeth' says academic...

There, Fixed it...

39 posted on 08/20/2012 3:48:13 PM PDT by FDNYRHEROES (It's 3 AM. Let me sleep on it. I'll get back to you in 16 hours.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise

Notice how she says “both parties are happier”

She doesn’t get that an extramarital affair involves at least three people and many times four ... and those are just the spouses, not the kids who might exist and be impacted.

She’s really just promoting selfishness.


40 posted on 08/20/2012 3:49:48 PM PDT by tanknetter
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise

Someone needs to clue this stupid woman in on the fact that she’s at least 40 years late with her message.


41 posted on 08/20/2012 4:54:27 PM PDT by Amberdawn
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Amberdawn

They keep pushing religion out of the culture and this feminist/socialist crud into academia and medicine.

Their goal is to smash monogamy and end the institution of marriage. Same sex marriage, group marriage, open marriage, whatever it takes to eradicate support for the institution.


42 posted on 08/20/2012 5:13:41 PM PDT by a fool in paradise (Only Obama put a dog on the roof of his mouth. Dogs are friends, not food.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 41 | View Replies]

To: jmacusa
There is absolutely no evidence that she is in any way French.

British national, born in Britain, resident in Britain, educated in Britain, employed in Britain.

43 posted on 08/20/2012 7:01:11 PM PDT by Oztrich Boy (Monarchy is the one system of government where power is exercised for the good of all - Aristotle)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise
France? Yeah, that's a great role model for society. (/sarcasm)

IMO France has never recovered from the wholesale destruction of the Huguenots which comprised the middle class of French society and economy. No country which loses its middle class will prosper.

44 posted on 08/21/2012 8:14:05 AM PDT by CommerceComet (Obama vs. Romney - clear evidence that our nation has been judged by God and found wanting.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise

Sloppy seconds, thirds, fourth, fifth, etc..., with your spouse, no thanks.


45 posted on 08/21/2012 8:19:09 AM PDT by rollo tomasi (Working hard to pay for deadbeats and corrupt politicians.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: rollo tomasi; Revolting cat!; Slings and Arrows
Sloppy seconds, thirds, fourth, fifth, etc..., with your spouse, no thanks.


46 posted on 08/21/2012 8:43:31 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (Only Obama put a dog on the roof of his mouth. Dogs are friends, not food.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 45 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise
On the first Feminian Sandstones we were promised the Fuller Life
(Which started by loving our neighbour and ended by loving his wife)
Till our women had no more children and the men lost reason and faith,
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings said: "The Wages of Sin is Death."
--Rudyard Kipling
47 posted on 08/21/2012 10:02:08 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (You can't have IngSoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 46 | View Replies]

To: AnonymousConservative

Interesting read, thank you.


48 posted on 08/21/2012 10:19:50 AM PDT by Made In The USA (Can we cut the BS and just say it like it is?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 32 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson