Posted on 08/07/2012 1:28:40 PM PDT by Hojczyk
Quite simply, growing up with gay parents was very difficult, and not because of prejudice from neighbors. People in our community didn’t really know what was going on in the house. To most outside observers, I was a well-raised, high-achieving child, finishing high school with straight A’s.
Inside, however, I was confused. When your home life is so drastically different from everyone around you, in a fundamental way striking at basic physical relations, you grow up weird. I have no mental health disorders or biological conditions. I just grew up in a house so unusual that I was destined to exist as a social outcast.
My peers learned all the unwritten rules of decorum and body language in their homes; they understood what was appropriate to say in certain settings and what wasn’t; they learned both traditionally masculine and traditionally feminine social mechanisms.
I had no male figure at all to follow, and my mother and her partner were both unlike traditional fathers or traditional mothers. As a result, I had very few recognizable social cues to offer potential male or female friends, since I was neither confident nor sensitive to others. Thus I befriended people rarely and alienated others easily. Gay people who grew up in straight parents’ households may have struggled with their sexual orientation; but when it came to the vast social universe of adaptations not dealing with sexuality—how to act, how to speak, how to behave—they had the advantage of learning at home. Many gays don’t realize what a blessing it was to be reared in a traditional home.
(Excerpt) Read more at thepublicdiscourse.com ...
Interesting read, thanks.
“Not surprisingly, I left high school as a virgin....”
Obviously, that could only be attributed to being raised by lesbians.
...homosexuals desperately need therapy but are either shamed or denigrated if they seek it...
...so we ALL suffer.
Thanks so much for posting.
Very important piece, very enlightening, and I hope we hear a lot more of these stories (as I know they’re out there).
Wow. Wow, wow! What a great article. I recommend reading it in its entirety.
I did not grow up in a gay or bi household, but I am the product of two (hetero) artistic, atheistic intellectuals who did not relate well to outsiders, in a small Texas town. Needless to say, until I grew old enough to figure out the social changes I had to make to myself to be acceptable to society at large, I had a tough life. Growing up, I thought “weirdo” must be my middle name, as it was applied to me so often. So I really identify with the author of this piece.
So did I ... and I was raised by my biological mother and father. Not screwing around in school used to be considered a desirable outcome for children, but I guess that has changed.
I’m perceptive enough to notice that liberal social policies don’t actually help people in those conditions. Especially damning is the liberal attitude that we shouldn’t be judgmental about sex. In the Bronx gay world, I cleaned out enough apartments of men who’d died of AIDS to understand that resistance to sexual temptation is central to any kind of humane society. Sex can be hurtful not only because of infectious diseases but also because it leaves us vulnerable and more likely to cling to people who don’t love us, mourn those who leave us, and not know how to escape those who need us but whom we don’t love. The left understands none of that. That’s why I am conservative.
Well written article. Thanks !
If you meant that as sarcasm, you need to read the whole article.
How does a child in such a circumstance learn to succeed in a pair-bonded world?
How do they come to know the yin and yang of the entirety of the animal kingdom?
Yes, such a child would find the world as strange as if it were another planet.
Interesting. He brought up some points I had never thought of.
bookmark this
Apparently my dad was a lesbian too.
Wow, this man has really learned something.
Great post. He explains perfectly what I have thought for a long time about of children of same-sex partners. I can extrapolate further—his experiences are similar to those children of any seriously dysfunctional family, without the same-sex experiences. God bless him. I hope he has happiness and joy in his life. Thanks for the post.
I am the product of two (hetero) artistic, atheistic intellectuals who did not relate well to outsiders, in a small Texas town.”
You should tell your story! Even a fictionalized version. As a fine of artists, and intellectuals, and small TExas towns (atheists, not so much...), I think that is a fascinating mix and I can see how it would be wild for you.
You should tell your story! Change the names, protect the innocent, but get your story out!
This applies to heterosexual, too. Especially ones from dysfunctional families. (I have resembled the remarks above!)
I think a lot of us see our selves in the author, or know of others like the author,
Thanks much for bringing this stunningly prescient article to my attention.
When you are a parent, ethical questions revolve around your children and you put away your self-interest . . . forever.”
A great statement by the author......
Great article.
Now if only Mittens could comprehend what sort of damage he causes little children by his support of queers adopting children.
This applies to heterosexual, too. Especially ones from dysfunctional families.
Yes, it does. That is why the natural family and the ancient rites of chastity until marriage, long courtships with both families and worship communities involved, and faithful marriage as THE rite of passage to adulthood were such good institutions for the benefit of society as a whole. But the forces of feminism, homosexism, eroticism, the ACLU and the SCOTUS thought they knew better.
Sounds like China Grove, a small Texas town made famous in song by the Doobie Brothers. lol
ping!
Amazing that so few people get this. Sex is simply another bodily function, but that's what it's treated as today. And with horrid results.
I see this with the 7 yr old son of a work associate of my wife.
This girl got married, had a child, dumped the husband, and shacked up with another girl. She has primary custody.
Dad has subsequently remarried but has custody 3 days a week.
So Jr. says he has 3 moms.
It won’t turn out well.
Ping!
Wow, me too, super intellectual outsider parents who got divorced - my mother was like a lesbian without actually being one. Even though I grew up mostly in NY, we didn’t fit in... later I had a gay male friend (a widower, who became gay after his wife’s death) who was raising a daughter. They had all the money in the world, but it was rough going for her. People don’t know what the gay lifestyle is like - I’ve seen it from the inside - a level of promiscuity that cannot be imagined.
**************************
I did not grow up in a gay or bi household, but I am the product of two (hetero) artistic, atheistic intellectuals who did not relate well to outsiders....
bkmk
Robert Lopez, I don’t find you strange at all. You had no choice in the manner in which you were raised, much like children raised in alcoholic homes don’t have a choice. I am saddened at what you went through. You should be proud of the life you have now and the example you will set for your child.
bttt
The glaring characteristic that I observe out of the G&L movement is that they are almost totally focused on themselves and what they want. This guy understands that we need to be concerned about other people, his children in particular, and the children of society in general. That is precisely where the G&L point of view and methods lose all credibility: they ruthlessly pursue their own interests, but care not a nit about those upon whom they are trying to force their views and so-called "rights".
bttt
ping
Thought you might be interested.
You still haven’t answered my question tho...
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/2914471/posts?page=33#33
I'd enlarge this to include a large chunk of heterosexuals as well. How better to explain abortion, most divorce, money issues?
Most gays do not care what it feels like for their children to be brought up in a traditional home. They want their little nest and inflict their children with growing up as you did. Homosexuals should keep to themselves and leave the children alone.
ping
I agree 100%. They just seem to take it to greater extremes.
Have seen this in my extended in-law family. Two guys have lived together for over 40 years. (As far as I know, they have not “married”...yet anyways.) About 20 years ago, they adopted a beautiful baby girl, which creeped me out. When she was about 10, she started acting out, started dressing goth, and they put her in therapy. When she was 12-13, she announced that she was really a he and they arranged for her to start hormone therapy and surgery to become a “he.” I last saw him/her about 6 years ago and “she” totally appeared to be a “he” and I was just appalled. To do that to a kid at that age who is already so mixed up!!! What appalled me most was the complete acceptance of all the in-laws! They all think it’s just peachy-keen! Thank God I now live thousands of miles away from all that creepy “I’m OK, you’re OK” lib acceptance of deviancy!
When I look at the possible reasoning behind the social mores and strictures of "traditional marriage", it appears it's always about what's going to be best for the children.
That appears to be the fundamental difference between traditional marriage and gay marriage. Traditional marriage is all about the kids. Gay marriage is all about the gays.
Thanks for the ping to a very interesting topic. What Roger Lopez says matches what many have been saying here for years.
You are most welcome, noted FR scholar of sane sexuality.
I believe we are due for a spate of similar testimony as the children used in liberals' experiments with gay parenting since the 60s are now getting old enough to start repudiating the dogma with which they were raised. The author of this piece indicated he is in his 40s. Many others will wait for their lesbian mommies or gay daddies to die before they start to reflect.
I thought the author's labeling of himself as bisexual was most insightful, his having lived both ways sequentially and not wishing to take on the rage against the "ex-gay" label.
Against my better judgement, I let my naïve mother compel me to go to art college in the 60s, where most of my associates were either gay or plain crazy, and 90% were liberals. I learned things about the lives of gays and lesbians I'm still heartsick about.
So when I say homosexuality is a disorder, I'm not just spouting bigotry. I'm saying it with all compassion for the wounded souls I met and befriended and who confided their traumas to me -- many of whom have been in early graves for twenty years or more by now.
I'd enlarge this to include a large chunk of heterosexuals as well. How better to explain abortion, most divorce, money issues?
Credible essays have been written to claim that the easy sex and divorce movement among heterosexuals has, indeed, enabled the open homosexuality and gay marriage movements. Straights have so devalued marriage, it is now almost meaningless and seems achievable by anyone. They have been aided in this by our Supreme Court, which in paving the way for abortion-based eugenics and instrumental population control, have dismantled all of the spiritual and convenantal issues of marriage, leaving only some vague contractual traces.
An argument can also be made that the SCOTUS's collaboration in the birth control and abortion industries' marriage-destruction lobby played a destructive role in our present illegal immigration problem.
Very unusual to be compelled to go to art school - did you have a yearning for an MBA, or want to be a lumberjack?
On your other point, I’ve been close to too many gay people to count, from a humble hairdresser to the rich & famous. None of them ever wanted to get married. The idea would have been laughable. And some of them were the kindest, smartest, most gifted people I’ve ever known - nothing like these snarling pack animals who want to destroy the world.
Very unusual to be compelled to go to art school - did you have a yearning for an MBA, or want to be a lumberjack?
On your other point, I’ve been close to too many gay people to count, from a humble hairdresser to the rich & famous. None of them ever wanted to get married. The idea would have been laughable. And some of them were the kindest, smartest, most gifted people I’ve ever known - nothing like these snarling pack animals who want to destroy the world.
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