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To: expat1000

A few weeks ago, I went to the doctor downstairs for a check-up thinking I could at least score some Viagra. But before it ever got that she was telling me to keep my clothes on and was referring me to a specialist because of some answers I gave her about my colon/intestines/guts/whatever.

Then I went to the specialist. They took blood and I almost fainted, because I really really don’t do medical. It just makes me sick. Anything medical on TV and I stop watching instantly.

Then a doctor was pushing really hard on my stomach area, trying to get me to say it hurts, but it actually kind of tickled so I laughed and said OUCH just to get her to stop. The doctor said she couldn’t feel anything so it might be cancer because there is a history of that in my family.

I was sent to the next room where eventually another doctor came in and did a sound test on my stomach area. He was pushing really hard with a devise that was connected to a monitor and he kept wanting me to look at the picture. But I don’t do medical so I resisted looking, thinking this guy is really weird.

Then he told me to take a deep breath and push my stomach out as much as possible. He got excited and said - there you have a rupture. He insisted I look at it go in and out while I kept pushing and relaxing my stomach and all I could think was I need to escape this Freak, so I finally sat up.

They referred me to another specialist. And now it gets worse. That doctor had me drinking stuff that makes all the poo leave the body. Then the next day he put me to sleep and sent a camera up my butt to look around. However I woke up near the end and sure enough he was trying to show me on his monitor. And I was thinking - this guy has the largest eyebrows I ever saw in my life and focused on that because I don’t do medical and I Don’t want to see inside my gut.

The doctor was done and I got dressed and sat in his office. He came in with printed pictures of my colon (or gut or whatever) but really wasn’t looking at them. He gave me copies and I sealed them in an envelope and passed them off to the next specialist at the hospital.

At the hospital I went through the same camera treatment again except this time I did not wake-up and they had no pictures to show me. They said I have two problems. One problem is a muscle tear they will fix with surgery. The other is a large polyp (or something) that has to be removed Tuesday because the larger it is the more likely it can turn to cancer.

This morning my wife was looking at my blood result that was printed out for me. She googled my blood sugar level and said I was one point below diabetes. She gave me the phone to the doctor but the doctor said I don’t have to worry because that is the extreme low end of diabetes.

I finally asked about Viagra and she told me to finish with the hospital and then make an appointment.

That’s the only medical I want to know about!


13 posted on 02/10/2012 6:35:22 AM PST by Berlin_Freeper (NEWT GINGRICH 2012)
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To: Berlin_Freeper

Seriouly, you need to submit this to the Reader’s Digest. This is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time.


16 posted on 02/10/2012 10:34:25 AM PST by Excellence (9/11 was an act of faith.)
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