DEAR MR AMERICAN TAXPAYER,
MY NAME IS GENERALISIMO MAXIMO MFUMBE MUMBO JUMBO OF THE INTERNATIORNAR REVENUE SERVICE. WE HAVE SELECTORATED YOUR TAX U-TURN FOR A AUDI. TO ASSIST US IN HELPING YOU TO KEEP ALL YOUR MONEY, ALL OF YOUR ACCOUNT NUMBER BERONGS TO US, AS WELL AS SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBERS AND PASS CODES. THE IRS HAVE ASSESSED TAXES AND PENALTIES OF NIGERIAN DOLLARS 1,300,500,799,200, AND NEED TO PUT A LEAN ON ALL OF YOUR ACCOUNTS, WELL WE WILL CLEAN THEM OUT ACTUALLY, UNTIL WE CAN REVIEW YOUR TAX RECORDS AND DETERMINE THAT YOU DON'T OWE ANTHING AT WHICH POINT YOU HAVE MY PERSONAL ASSURANCE THAT ALL FUNDS WILL BE RETURNED.
TO ASSIST WITH THIS AUDI, PLEASE PUT YOUR TAX RECORDS IN A WASTE RECEPTACLE AT THE CURB ON NORMAL TRASH COLLECTION DAY AND ONE OF OUR REPRESENTATIVES, MY NEPHEW, NJUMBO MUMBO JUNIOR, IN THE EMPLOY OF YOUR LOCAL CITY GOVERNMENT'S TAX AND REFUSE COLLECTION SERVICE WILL RETRIEVE YOUR RECORDS AND FORWARD THEM TO THE LOCAL TAX RECORD COLLECTION SITE, WHERE THEY WILL BE PROMPTLY REVIEWED WITH THE THOROUGHNESS OF THE JUNK YARD DOGS THAT INHABIT THE SITE.
I MUST MOST URGENTLY REQUIRE THAT YOU YOU COMPLY WITH MY REQUESTS FOR ALL BANKING RECORDS IMMEDIATELY AS WE ARE CHARGING 30% PER DAY INTEREST. I AM MY FRIEND MOST CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR WELL-BEING AND WANT TO PROVIDE YOU MY MOST PROMPT SERVICE.