Oh no, this thread about England is being hijacked by Scots Nationalism!
Can we not have anything?
Just so lang as there is a Scotland to defend her.
American Voice (gently) It was a day like any other and Mr and Mrs Samuel Brainsample were a perfectly ordinary couple, leading perfectly ordinary lives - the sort of people to whom nothing extraordinary ever happened, and not the kind of people to be the centre of one of the most astounding incidents in the history of mankind ... So let’s forget about them and follow instead the destiny of this man ... (camera pans off them; they both look disappointed; camera picks up instead a smart little business man, in bowler, briefcase and pinstripes) ... Harold Potter, gardener, and tax official, first victim of Creatures from another Planet.
Newsvendor’s Voice Read all abaht it! Read all abaht it! Man turns into Scotsman!
Inspector Mrs Potter - you knew Harold Potter quite well I believe?
Wife Oh yes quite well.
Inspector Yes.
Wife He was my husband.
Inspector Yes. And, er, he never showed any inclination towards being a Scotsman before this happened?
Wife (shocked) No, no, not at all. He was not that sort of person...
Inspector He didn’t wear a kilt or play the bagpipes?
Wife No, no.
Inspector He never got drunk at night or bought home black puddings?
Wife No, no. Not at all.
Inspector He didn’t have an inadequate brain capacity?
Wife No, no, not at all.
Inspector I see. So by your account Harold Potter was a perfectly ordinary Englishman without any tendency towards being a Scotsman whatsoever?
Wife Absolutely, yes. (suddenly remembering) Mind you he did always watch Dr Finlay on television.
Inspector Ah-hah! ... Well that’s it, you see. That’s how it starts.
Wife I beg your pardon?
Inspector Well you see Scottishness starts with little things like that, and works up. You see, people don’t just turn into a Scotsman for no reason at all... (goes rigid: with Scots accent:) No further questions!