THE STORY OF BIG BAD BART
Back in the 1800’s in the wild west, there was a rancher who lived in the wild badlands. One day, he went in to town. While he was gone, an outlaw named Big Bad Bart and his gang called “Big Bad Bart’s Gang” rode in and burned down his house, stole his woman, killed his dog, his cat and all his cattle, then burned his barn and his outhouse and chicken house to boot. - When the rancher came home and found what had happened, he pledged himself to hunt down Big Bad Bart if it was the last thing he ever did. - So, the rancher rode and rode and rode, always just one step behind Big Bad Bart. . and so it went, for years . . .
Then one day the rancher got a break. He rode into a little town south of the border and asked after Big Bad Bart. Sure enough, Bart was there! At last! In the saloon, gambling and drinking. So, the rancher went on over to the saloon where he saw Bart sidled up to the bar, the rancher’s woman was dressed up like a dancehall girl and hanging on Bart’s arm like nothing had happened.
Well, the rancher walked up to Bart and asked him, “Are you Big Bad Bart?” “Yup,” drawled Bart.
“The one who burned down my house?” asked the rancher. “Yup,” replied Bart.
“Stole my woman - obviously?” asked the rancher. “Yup,” replied Bart.
“Killed muh cattle?” - “Yup.”
“Killed muh cat?” - “Yup.”
“Killed muh dog?” - “Yup.”
“Burned muh barn?” - “Yup.”
“Burned muh outhouse? - “Yup.”
“Burned muh datburn chicken house to boot?” - “Yup.”
“THAT TEARS IT!” yelled the rancher.
Then, enraged, the rancher backed up slowly and then glared a long time at Big Bad Bart, then quietly and menacingly told him in no uncertain terms -
“BETTER WATCH THET STUFF!!”
Then the rancher, mission accomplished, turned on his heel and stomped out of the saloon, swinging doors flapping behind him.