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Ice Bullet Killed Kennedy

An anonymous physicist on the internet has pieced together an interesting set of circumstances and arrived at a curious conclusion: the driver of the presidential limousine probably killed President Kennedy with an ice bullet coated with shellfish poison that fateful day in November, 1963.

Here’s how it happened:

As the car carrying Kennedy rounded the curve near the book depository, the secret service driver slowed the car, turned around and fired one shot from a handgun at the president. He missed.

Trying to shot while driving, though, is tricky. This first errant shot accounts for the wounds to the passengers.

Those passengers, Gov. Connally and his wife, who were riding in the front seat and obviously in on the assassination plot, shouted duck, and dived down to the floorboard so the driver could swing his pistol over and around the couple and get a clear shot.

But the Connallys weren’t fast enough - the agent’s first bullet went wild and he accidentally shot Connally. However, Connally wasn’t a shellfish, so he didn’t die from the poison-coated bullet. This errant first shot panicked the conspirators. Something needed to be done fast.

Now part II of the plot reveals an additional conspirator - the second secret service agent riding on the passenger side.

Realizing the plot needs more deliberation and care, the second agent yells at the driver to “Stop the damn car and shot him!”

So the driver brakes the car in the middle of the street, in front of 50,000 onlookers lining the presidential route, turns around a second time, takes careful aim and delivers the fatal shot. All this action has been cleverly omitted from the Zapruder assassination film except the gunsmoke from the agent’s gun.

This remarkable theory destroys the idea of a hidden assassin at the grassy knoll. He gets away.

This is not all, says the anonymous physicist. A careful investigation reveals the driver had brown hair at the airport. In the film, though, it can be seen that his hair has turned white, most likely from ice crystals falling on his head while loading the ice bullets in the freezer.

An FBI agent who witnessed the assassination tried to run to the car but another secret service agent knocks him out with a machinegun. This also passed unnoticed by thousands of bystanders, including a few hundred World War II veterans.

Meanwhile, our anonymous physicist reveals that he found George H. Bush at the book depository helping frame Lee Harvey Oswald. His son, George W. Bush, would later drop nuclear bombs on the Twin Towers on 9-11.

So there you have yet another theory behind the Kennedy assassination, done in by ice bullets coated with shellfish poison.

As for the presidential limousine, the Air Force picked up the car, loaded it onto a C5A and dropped it into the Atlantic Ocean, where it’s been floating on an iceburg since.