Posted on 08/01/2008 3:36:17 AM PDT by monkapotamus
Mitt Romney, John Kerry: Hair today, gone tomorrow
By Howie Carr
Friday, August 1, 2008
You won’t have Mitt Romney and John Kerry to kick around much longer.
At least on the national stage you won’t. They’ll still be knocking around New England, of course. Maybe Mitt can star in a Lake Winnipesaukee remake of that old TV series Sea Hunt. And minimum-wage restaurant employees may well have to endure two more terms of Liveshot asking them the eternal question, “Do you know who I am?”
But when it comes to moving up, I think time is running out on the flip-flop twins of Massachusetts politics. Forget the flip, they’re flopping.
Vice President Mitt Romney? Don’t think so. Secretary of State John Kerry? Pardon me for laughing in your face.
The lesson here is, good hair, an Ivy League education and $500 million will take you places. But not necessarily all the way to the top.
A couple of weeks ago, Mitt appeared to be on the fast track to the Republican ticket with his not-so-dear friend John McCain. But lately he’s been falling out of contention faster than the Red Sox [team stats]. Once again he’s a pinata on all the right-wing websites. Myth Romney, they call him.
Gov. Tim Pawlenty of Minnesota has lapped him. Mitt has vanished from the cable-news TV channels. His own campaign Web site looks like the political equivalent of a roadside shrine. Mitt’s even taken a couple of weeks off, first going up to Ontario (where he took the Irish setter Seamus on that famous vacation). Then he headed back east to the lake and next week he’s headed to China for the Olympics.
Does that sound like the schedule of someone on McCain’s veep short list?
Then there’s John Kerry. He was going to be Barack Obama’s secretary of state. But every summer he heads out onto the water and loses his mind, and this year is no exception. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s an election year and he can’t afford to be seen windsurfing, or riding his imported $700 bicycle.
Last week JFK blurted out “tar baby” on MSNBC, which fortunately for him the mainstream media covered the way they have John Edwards’ reputed love child, which is to say, not at all. But Saturday night Liveshot really blew it. He allowed himself to be photographed on the dock with Girls Gone Wild, Nantucket Division, all the while holding a Bud Light.
This is a guy who was within 60,000 votes of the presidency.
An old-time pol at City Hall once gave me a bit of excellent advice about public appearances. He told me that if you’re seen twice holding a drink you’re a drunk. If you’re seen twice with a woman you’re dating her. If you’re seen twice with a guy you’re gay.
And, the old pol didn’t even need to add, if it’s Saturday night and you see babes with red plastic cups reeling toward you like Julie Donaldson and Randi Goldklank, then run, don’t walk, in the opposite direction.
Oh sure, Liveshot is a fop and a snob and an empty suit, but give the guy credit for one thing. He is the most successful gigolo in American history. Kevin Federline? He got lucky once. John Kerry married two women worth a combined $1 billion. He made his money the old-fashioned way. He married it.
As for Mitt, the guy just can’t seem to catch a break this year. One day this week he got raked over the coals (again) by the evangelicals in the Washington Times, and by the Wall Street Journal for this state’s universal health-care program. That gave every Huckabee-worshiping blogger the chance to (again) run the photo of Mitt signing the bill at Faneuil Hall, cracking up in laughter with Ted Kennedy and Sal DiMasi.
Poor Myth, poor Liveshot. They’ve hit the ceiling. But it could be worse. They still have good hair.
I’d like to pick John Kerry.
I mean KICK.
Is Howie stealing some of my material ? ;-)
I’m not feelin’ the love for Lurch.
Wow, the MSM really doesn’t want John McCain to pick Mitt Romney.
I sure hope McCain knows never to take ‘advice’ from his enemies.
Great line. BTW
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Not only does Howie have Hair envy, he is wrong about Mitt Romney.
Didn’t Mitt recently buy a big place in California?
This guy’s idea that he’ll kick around the People’s Republic didn’t take that into account.
LOL.
Romney is a fake, and that’s why conservatives don’t want him.
Ping
I am still trying to figure out how some Conservative equate good hair and a shining personality with actually being Conservative...
where he took the Irish setter Seamus on that famous vacation
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Is this the poor dog that fell off the roof of the car while Romney was “moving on down the road” ???????????
Wow, that story gets better and better all the time.
The dog actually belonged to his nephew, and they were delivering it to them. It never fell off the roof, and was just fine. There was a Plexiglas shield to help keep the wind out.
The owner of that dog, Mitt's nephew, is my neighbor, and I got the story, straight from the dogs mouth, so to speak, from him.
I was thinking it'd be great to doctor the wording on the Nat'l Lampoon magazine, "If you don't vote for Mitt, He'll kill this dog." ;-)
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