Learn these phrases:
1. My ninja-stealth training
2. On weekends I train in speed load and shoot competitions
3. The heavy insulation in the walls of my bedroom were put there for a reason {wink, wink...}
4. Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug...
5. Good question, can you submit that in writing to my lawyer?
6. The dog did it? Puppy Boot Camp finally paid off! (high five)
7. Well, you see officer, since your gift. works so hard to strip me of my right to defend myself, and we both know that police rarely deter crime, but rather respond to it once it happens, I've taken it up on myself to think, plan and prepare within the law to not be a victim in a circumstance exactly like this. It kinda went like this.. "what's that noise?" Thumb opens guncase in the dark, hand slides in, pulls weapon through soft lines opening so no noise, safety comes off since round was chambered...grab tactical maglight next..creep on suspect, hit him in the eyes with a 16LED maglight in the pitch dark, he raises a hand gun, I FEAR FOR MY SAFETY and hit him center-mass with 4 slugs in such a tight group the local gun range wants to dedicate a wing of their shot to your practice targets....
In other words, owning a gun and not being an expert is about as stupid as buying an indy car and asking the local valet to be your driver.
How did you become an expert?