Infertility is a crossroads

The Guardian ^ | June 27 | Naomi Anderson

[Bushwacker777]

"When you're told that it will be impossible to have your partner's children, it feels like a bereavement. True, it's only the death of a fantasy – the fantasy that you and the love of your life might be able to produce a human being who's an endearing amalgamation of both your imperfections – but by the time you find out, you'll often have been trying for at least a year to make that fantasy flesh, and its loss feels substantial. So the decision to search for a sperm or egg donor is a difficult and emotional one from the start. Over the past three years, the increasing complexity of the legislative obstacle course that must be cleared to secure a donor seems, to many couples, to compound the cruelty of their situation."

[Bushwacker777]

I think there are a lot of people who do not really have a picture of what it is like not to be able to have children. Also, the article deals with what happens when government assumes too much responsibility over people's lives and, hoping to do good, winds up hurting far more people in the process.

[Alkhin]

Agreed. There is a great deal of grief involved. Its something that becomes part of the Triad Grief when adoption comes into play.

Alkhin,
who was made infertile by placenta accretia

[Dilbert San Diego]

Interesting viewpoint. I didn’t think this was such a problem in America, but apparently it is in England. But the difference between us and them is the gov’t control over all health care services, even matters such as IVF/sperm donation.

[VOA]

...but by the time you find out, you'll often have been trying for
at least a year to make that fantasy flesh, and its loss
feels substantial...

Surely it does.
But what gets me about folks in this situation is that they seem
to never have heard of a word.

And that word is..."adoption".

Sure, it's a process fraught with downsides and challenges
all of its' own.

I'm especially suprised when I hear church-going people that never
seem to consider this option for building a family.

Especially when "adoption" is used in fairly glowing terms in
The New Testament.

[Bushwacker777]

Adoptions are not tht easy anymore what with abortion on demand coupled with Uncle Sam footing the bill for those who are on welfare to have kids and keep them.

The thing is, in England as well as the USA you can kill an unborn baby for whatever reason you want. At least in the USA you can conceive a baby any way you want since fertility clinics are privately owned and donors of eggs and sperm are paid for their services.

Reading the article it seems the Brit legislators are so unwilling to let the market work that they have made laws to set up roadblocks for couples seeking eggs and sperm from other nations. Big Brother at his best.

Let this be a warning for people when they hear people talk about the paradise of socialized medicine in Europe. If you aren’t into freedom of choice I guess it’s okay.

[silverleaf]

england makes the path to adoption equally torturous.

I am convinced “they” (socialist narcissists) only want Hindu and muslim families to be fruitful and multiply

[silverleaf]

see above- adoption (at least by straight middle class people) is a torturous lengthy grueling process in england, so don’t be so fast to condemn english people seeking to become parents

[Alkhin]

The grief of infertility MUST be addressed before adopting!! That is VITAL - especially since the natural mother and the adoptee will be experiencing lifetime grief of their own. Adoption is NOT a cure for infertility. It has always been "the second choice." There are implications to that.

The article points out a fundamental human desire in regards to considering adoption: "they want someone of their own FIRST." This is not hedonism. This is a NATURAL HUMAN DESIRE.

I cant believe so many people have become so glib about adoption as the solution to something that is vital to human nature, as if the grief of the baby that was taken away from its natural mother is of no consequence.

[Blackhawk]

Not to mention that the cost of adopting is astronomical. By the time you pay off the lawyer you don’t have the money for formula.

[MrPiper]

Different strokes,,,,different folks.. I married the first infertile women I found,(love helped). I never wanted kids. We’re very happy ;-)

[SatinDoll]

Good for you! I can’t have children and don’t want them. For some reason, which I suspect is envy, people with children think I’m selfish and evil. Silly them!

[nonsporting]

"When you're told that it will be impossible to have your partner's children, it feels like a bereavement."

Partner? Does she mean "husband?" Is this an American/English language difference or a cultural contrast?

Later in the article it talks about a "sperm drought." I'm waiting for new fangled Press Gangs who enlist "volunteers."

The entire treatment of this subject is really strange, off somehow. Anyone else read it this way?

[Chickensoup]

When you’re told that it will be impossible to have your partner’s children,

What about one’s husband’s children?