THE JOHN BIRCH SOCIETY
(Michael Brown)
Oh we’re meeting at the courthouse at eight o’clock tonight.
You just come in the door and take the first turn to the right.
Be careful when you get there, we’d hate to be bereft,
But we’re taking down the names of everybody turning left.
‘Cause we’re the John Birch Society, the John Birch Society,
Here to save this country from a communistic plot.
We’re the John Birch Society, help us swell the ranks.
To get this movement started, we need lots of tools and cranks.
Now there’s no one that’s certain that the Kremlin doesn’t touch.
We think that Westbrook Pegler doth protest a bit too much.
We only hail the hero from whom we got our name.
We’re not sure what he did, but he’s our hero all the same.
Oh, we’re the John Birch Society, the John Birch Society
Socialism is the “ism” dismalist of all.
Join the John Birch Society, there’s so much to do,
Have you heard they’re serving vodka at the W.C.T.U.
Well you’ve heard about the agents that we’ve already named,
Well M.C.A. has agents that are flatly unashamed,
We’re after Rosie Clooney, we’ve gotten Pinky Lee,
And the day we get Red Skelton won’t that be a victory!
For we’re the John Birch Society, the John Birch Society,
Norman Vincent Peale may think he’s kidding us along,
But the John Birch Society knows he spilled the beans:
He keeps on preaching “brotherhood,” but we know what he means!
We’ll teach you how to spot ‘em in the city or the sticks,
‘Cause even Jasper Junction is just full of Bolsheviks.
The CIA’s subversive, and so’s the FCC.
There’s no one left but thee and we, and we’re not sure of thee.
Oh we’re the John Birch Society, the John Birch Society
Here to save our country from a Communistic plot.
Join the John Birch Society, holding off the Reds.
We’ll use our hands and hearts, and if we must, we’ll use our heads.
Friends, do you want Justice Warren to be your Commissar?
Do you want Mrs. Khrushchev in there with the DAR?
You cannot trust your neighbors, or even next-of-kin
If mommy is a Commie then you gotta turn her in.
Oh, we’re the John Birch Society, the John Birch Society
Fighting for the right to fight the right fight for the right
Join the John Birch Society, as we’re marching on,
We’ll all be glad to see you when we’re meeting in the John,
In the John, In the John Birch Society!
The Chad Mitchell Trio, Kapp Records #457, 1962
Gee, THAT was brilliant.
If you can unplug your Ipod and switch off American Idol long enough, do try to conjure an ORIGINAL THOUGHT just this once.
There’s a nation at stake here, funny man.