Posted on 03/31/2008 1:06:46 AM PDT by pookie18
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This Thread Brought To
You By The Letter W:
BEAT the PING
Dick Cheney met with high-level officials in Saudi Arabia on Friday to discuss military plans in the Persian Gulf and oil production. He's very popular in Saudi Arabia. They would make him vice king if Eliot Spitzer didn't already have the title.
New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson endorsed Barack Obama for president Friday before a crowd in Oregon. The governor said he decided to support Obama because he spoke to us as adults. Usually people who like adult entertainment go for the Clintons.
Barack Obama's pastor Jeremiah Wright's anti-American sermons were discovered on the church's promotional DVD. It gets even worse. Under the new Writers Guild agreement, Osama bin Laden is entitled to a payment for every DVD Jeremiah Wright sells.
Barack Obama said his grandmother was a typical white person whose distrust of black strangers on the street is inbred. It's not true. She was never afraid of black strangers on the street until she recorded a rap album without giving Suge Knight his cut.
Condi Rice apologized to Senator Barack Obama Thursday over a State Department worker who snooped into the candidate's passport file. His passport file must be six inches thick. When your middle name's Hussein, flying generates a lot of paperwork.
Barack Obama fell far behind Hillary Clinton in Pennsylvania and West Virginia polls. He simply refused to disown his anti-American pastor, Jeremiah Wright. After all, the man conducted his wedding, baptized his children, and blew up the U.S. Embassy in Karachi.
James Carville compared Bill Richardson to Judas Iscariot for endorsing Barack Obama instead of Hillary. Governor Richardson made the decision to endorse on his way home from his Caribbean vacation. He asked the pilot to tell him which way the wind was blowing.
Retired Air Force General Merrill McPeak stood onstage with an anguished-looking Barack Obama Friday and said Bill Clinton reminded him of Joe McCarthy for leaving Obama off a list of loyal candidates. When Barack was in college at Occidental in Los Angeles he mastered the art of looking wounded. He picked up a lot of work as an extra on M*A*S*H.
Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick was charged with perjury Monday for lying about a mistress on the payroll. It's the fourth sex scandal in a week by a politician. Maybe the reason Bill Clinton's poll numbers are dropping is that we don't need him any more.
Arnold Palmer was asked to replace George Lopez as host of the Bob Hope Desert Classic. The comedian went on a Mexican nationalist rant in his latest cable show. Not only did he lose the Bob Hope, he had to step down as Barack Obama's comedy advisor.
Hillary Clinton's campaign admitted Monday she misspoke when she said she was under enemy fire at a Bosnian airport twelve years ago. She just misremembered it. She was under enemy fire when her plane left Washington but not when it arrived in Bosnia.
Hillary Clinton gave a speech at the University of Pennsylvania to lay out her solution for the foreclosure crisis. Her concern is genuine. If Hillary mortgaged her homes to pay for her campaign, she may be in line for a bailout within thirty days.
Barack Obama celebrated Easter Sunday with his family in a hotel in the Virgin Islands. He said he wanted to spend more time with his wife and kids. Hillary Clinton was happy to hear it because she thought it meant he was retiring in disgrace.
Chelsea Clinton was asked a question about the Monica Lewinsky scandal Tuesday by a college student in Indiana. She snapped it was none of his business. Chelsea still thinks the whole thing was a dispute between a glass blower and the dry cleaner.
Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick was indicted over a mistress scandal Tuesday a week after New York's Governor Eliot Spitzer resigned over a hooker. It's inspiring. The Jewish former governor of New York and the black mayor of Detroit are forging a common cause that has not been seen since the civil rights marches of the Sixties.
New York Governor Dave Paterson admitted Tuesday he did pot and cocaine in the late Seventies. Last week he admitted to numerous lovers. When John Belushi wound up being a U.S. Senator in Animal House, it inspired an entire generation to public service.
Hillary Clinton was savaged by cable news hosts Wednesday for misremembering her Bosnia airport reception. She was flogged in the Situation Room, beaten on Hardball, and flayed on Countdown. The Clintons never thought they would find themselves watching Fox News for a breather.
President Bush was told by the Pentagon Wednesday that U.S. troops need to be rotated home because of stress on the troops and their families. Why bother? With Hillary ducking sniper fire and Obama standing by his bomb-throwing pastor, the troops may be safer in Iraq.
-- Argus Hamilton
Everybody was in the Easter spirit. In fact, former Gov. Eliot Spitzer spent the day with someone named Bunny.
What a beautiful day here in New York City. Such a beautiful day, that new governor, David Paterson? He was using drugs in the park.
You can tell it’s spring because that governor and his wife had a foursome with Ben & Jerry.
Ringling Bros. Circus is in Madison Square Garden. They have a contortionist that’s so good, Eliot Spitzer sent over a drink.
-- David Letterman
Winter officially ended this week. Today, Al Gore blamed winter's end on global warming.
Former New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson says he still considers himself loyal to the Clinton family despite endorsing Barack Obama. Loyal! Even Bill was more faithful to Hillary than that!
Hillary Clinton was supposed to be our guest tonight, but she got pinned down by sniper fire.
Who would have guessed Hillary would have more war stories than John McCain?
Hillary’s campaign is claiming she misspoke when she said she landed under gun fire during her trip to Bosnia. Turns out it was gun fire on a trip to L.A.
She now admits there weren’t any snipers. And today Bill Clinton said, “Hey, if I would have known there weren’t any snipers, I would not have sent her there in the first place.”
Hillary Clinton is coming under fire for claiming she was under fire while she was in Bosnia. Luckily, she was wearing her Kevlar pantsuit at the time.
Hillary now says she just made an honest mistake . . . there was no hostile fire of any kind. Ironically, while she was away, Bill Clinton did see some action.
Hillary also said she went to 80 countries. Turns out she only wanted to go to one country, but she booked it with PriceLine.com and had to fly through all of them.
MSNBC is saying that there’s a chance that John McCain would pick Condoleezza Rice as his vice president. That’s a perfectly balanced ticket: he’s white, she’s black; he’s a man, she’s a woman; he’s always steamed, she’s rice . . .
Have you heard Hillary Clinton’s new campaign slogan? Incoming!
New revelations about the whole Hillary Clinton-Bosnia thing. Turns out she went there to hire a sniper.
-- Leno
A new study shows that wine drinkers prefer Hillary Clinton to the other candidates. After hearing this, Bill Clinton asked, “How much wine have they had?"
Former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer has reportedly entered therapy for a sex addiction. Spitzer said his therapy is going well and that his therapist has a fantastic rack.
In New Jersey today, there were dangerous winds with gusts up to 50 miles an hour. The winds were so strong that they blew former Governor McGreevey off his chauffeur.
-- Conan O'Brien
Not such a great day for Hillary Clinton. Been caught telling a lie. Said when she landed in Bosnia 12 years ago, she was dodging bullets. Comedian Sinbad broke the story. Nothing says great journalism to me like the co-star of “Jingle all the Way.” Sinbad went on a trip to Bosnia with Sheryl Crow and Hillary Clinton. Sounds like a Movie of the Week on Lifetime or something. “Can a standup comedian, a woman rocker, and a tough drill-sergeant heal the war-torn Balkans?”
Barack Obama called Hillary today to thank her for distracting everyone away from the whole crazy pastor thing. Obama’s campaign is all about hope — hope Hillary keeps saying stupid crap and getting herself in trouble.
-- Craig Ferguson
Great Orators of the Democratic Party
• "One man with courage makes a majority."--attributed to Andrew Jackson
• "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."--Franklin D. Roosevelt
• "The buck stops here."--Harry S. Truman
• "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country."--John F. Kennedy
• "You know, I think that, a minor blip, you know, if I said something that, you know, I say a lot of things--millions of words a day--so if I misspoke, that was just a misstatement."--Hillary Clinton
SUPERSIZED
(Thank you, Richard Kimball)
(Thank you, usmcobra)
Been sleeping/hibernating in lately!
And a GRAND morning to you, sir.
It’s my Friday right now, another 5 hours to go, then I’m off for 5 days, and back to dayshift for a couple of weeks.
Unfortunately this means I’ll not be trying to beat the ping, or top-ten even for the next couple weeks, but I will still be enjoying the ‘toons. Besides, I need to bask in the glory of lucking out on a day the ping was slow in going out. I thought top ten was cool! 3 days of lucky #7 was cool, but beating the ping beats ALL!
Thanks for collecting, collating and posting this every weekday. It’s a great way to keep going, or wake up.
Now I’ve got to get back to work.
Thanx Pookie!
Thank you Pookie,,,,,
Good morning, Pookie, and thanks for the Monday smiles!
Great ones Pookie.
bkmk
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