Posted on 03/03/2008 6:11:06 PM PST by blam
Men Have A Harder Time Forgiving Than Women Do
ScienceDaily (Mar. 3, 2008) — Forgiveness can be a powerful means to healing, but it does not come naturally for both sexes. Men have a harder time forgiving than women do, according to Case Western Reserve University psychologist Julie Juola Exline. But that can change if men develop empathy toward an offender by seeing they may also be capable of similar actions. Then the gender gap closes, and men become less vengeful.
In seven forgiveness-related studies Exline conducted between 1998 through 2005 with more than 1,400 college students, gender differences between men and women consistently emerged. When asked to recall offenses they had committed personally, men became less vengeful toward people who had offended them. Women reflecting on personal offenses, and beginning at a lower baseline for vengeance, exhibited no differences in levels of unforgiving. When women had to recall a similar offense in relation to the other's offense, women felt guilty and tended to magnify the other's offense.
"The gender difference is not anything that we predicted. We actually got aggravated, because we kept getting it over and over again in our studies," said Exline. "We kept trying to explain it away, but it kept repeating in the experiments."
The John Templeton Foundation-supported studies used hypothetical situations, actual recalled offenses, individual and group situations and surveys to study the ability to forgive.
Exline said prior studies have shown that at baseline (without any interventions), men tend to be more vengeful than women, who have been taught from childhood to put themselves "in the shoes of others" and empathize with them.
In Exline's study, women who recalled similar offenses of their own did not show much difference in their levels of vengeance, in contrast to men. Women, having been taught from an early age to be more empathetic, lean toward relationship building and do not emphasize the vengeful side of justice to the degree that men do.
The researchers found that people of both genders are more forgiving when they see themselves as capable of committing a similar action to the offender's; it tends to make the offense seem smaller. Seeing capability also increases empathic understanding of the offense and causes people to feel more similar to the offenders. Each of these factors, in turn, predicts more forgiving attitudes.
"Offenses are easier to forgive to the extent that they seem small and understandable and when we see ourselves as similar or close to the offender," she said.
Exline found this ability to identify with the offender and forgive also happens in intergroup conflicts in a study that she related to forgiveness of the 9/11 terrorists.
"When people could envision their own government committing acts similar to those of the terrorists, they were less vengeful," she stressed. "For example, they were less likely to believe that perpetrators should be killed on the spot or given the death penalty, and they were more supportive of negotiations and economic aid."
Exline is the lead author on the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology's article, "Not so Innocent: Does Seeing One's Own Capability for Wrongdoing Predict Forgiveness?" She collaborated with researchers Roy Baumeister and Anne Zell from Florida State University; Amy Kraft from Arizona State; and Charlotte Witvliet from Hope College.
Adapted from materials provided by Case Western Reserve University, via EurekAlert!, a service of AAAS.
Love these humor posts.
I have!
They thanked me for helping them forget your short comings!
Hmmm...you may be overanalyzing this, you should really try to forgive them, should come naturally.
BUNK!
ell that to my x-wife
“I have trouble believing this research......”
Me, too. This has not been my experience or observation at all.
Can’t be. . . my ex hasn’t remarried anyone. I thought she was the only one to remember things that didn’t happen.
I wish mine would get re-married. A new victim would take my place. But she can’t even keep a boyfriend long enough to get me any real break. Yes, as a matter of fact, I AM (or at least WAS) a dumbass.
I’m a woman and I forgive readily, but in my experience it’s men who forgive more easily, by far. Women tend to hold grudges. Often you don’t even know you’ve offended, for a good long time! Men let you know, they deal with offense and get past it.
Nothing to forgive, I’m not at the receiving end of the real life whining.
I think the article is really saying that women are more passive then men when it comes to events like 911 where men don't 'let it go' but want justice.
Yup.
Guess I am lucky that neither of us has been petty, we don’t fight, and actually do favors for each other occasionally. Yes I have forgiven, played the guitar for her to sing at a couple of funerals, but I have not forgotten. She precipitated the divorce and based her myopic view of things that were not true, twisted versions of what she thought I said or did, upon which she simmered and grew bitter for years.
Forgiven? Yes. But it is still is a little tough to accept (after 7 years) that your life is wrecked by bitterness over BS lies, distortions and misunderstandings. Nineteen years thrown away.
Brbra Streisand! A chick told me recently that she can forget, but she cannot forgive! (?) And, get this, there was nothing I had done to forgive me for, it was I who had a lot to forgive her.
My favorite quote is above. Have the researchers lived on the same planet as I have? The story doesn't say how the question was actually tested. Maybe women forgive men more easily than men forgive women—I don't know.
But how about women forgiving each other? I'm not sure I've ever seen it. The grudges, the vengeance, sometimes on a petty level, sometimes on a big scale, can be unbelievable, especially when there's a struggle over a male. Personally, I've never seen men go to the lengths some women do to get even.
women, who have been taught from childhood to put themselves "in the shoes of others" and empathize with them.
That quote seems especially hallucinatory. Note that this study did not actually test whether women are "taught from childhood to put themselves in the shoes of others," or are just born that way—it would have been quite involved. The bias toward "nurture" rather than "nature" explanations is just part of the dogma of social psychology. I expected something more interesting from a researcher like Roy Baumeister, who usually has more sensible things to say. And I expected better from Templeton's outfit.
The main problem is that it doesn't mean much to say one sex is more "vengeful" than the other. Vengeful about what? Expressed how? It's a complex question that goes directly to the heart of what matters most to each sex—and if you listen to the evidence of your senses, you know that different things matter to each.
"When people could envision their own government committing acts similar to those of the terrorists, they were less vengeful," she stressed. "For example, they were less likely to believe that perpetrators should be killed on the spot or given the death penalty, and they were more supportive of negotiations and economic aid."
And yes, in case we were in doubt, the real point of this pseudo-scientific eyewash, other than to get a grant, is to make liberals feel more comfortable with their cowardice.
I would like to hear Bill Clintons take on this article:)
Bullshit, men do too let it go. Do you really think women make up most of the electorate? You can try to blame who’s holding office on women all you’d like but men are not disenfranchised. If you don’t like the result they are either voting liberal or not voting. Women, while morons in droves, do not take the cake in idiocy.
Not my husband.........the minute I say I’m sorry, he forgives and he NEVER holds a grudge. It’s one of the many things I admire so much about him.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.