A MONTH IN THE COUNTRY

Labor Day and September 11th. Between two worlds. An invitation to a party on the terrace of a West Side apartment. The promise of an illuminating afternoon. Ten formidable women and yours truly, dining beneath a vast canvas umbrella.

A local wine shop, a bottle of medium-dry Riesling; another store, a petite ganache. Charbroiled chicken, hot dogs, hamburgers, wine, cake, and watermelon are in abundance. The guests are in good form.

They are mainly professionals dedicated to the arts, education, and publishing. One shuttles between Europe and America. Another is a fashion writer. Another toils in television land. The hours pass, and a great deal of ground is traversed in animated conversation:

The Screen Actors Guild, straight spirits compared with exotic drinks, and the preparation of chocolate confections. Labor unions, cosmetic surgery, and pets that save their owners. Seeing-eye ponies, Michael Vick's defenders, and landlords that ditch longtime tenants.

Ed Koch, Southern culture, and blood sports in Britain. Building doormen, the NAACP, and self-absorbed Yuppies. Donald Trump, Larry Craig, and Tony Curtis.

Michael Bloomberg, the celluloid closet, and the GOP. David Dinkins, abortion protests, and the apathy of youth. Rudy Giuliani, public schools, and cyber-age sensibilities.

Times Square, marriage blanc, and defending Karl Marx. Polygamy, parental authority, and "Homo economicus." Dry cleaners, the Theater District, and religious fundamentalism.

Greenwich Village, greed, and parochial education. Authority figures, the Manhattan Institute, and the Brooklyn Museum of Art. Sotheby's, the working class, and "Outer Borough" red necks.

Airport security, assimilation, and a homeless stinker allowed to annoy library patrons. French schools, President Ahmadinejad, and the cost of franchises. New Jersey, Pope John Paul II, and Ronald Reagan.

Poland, the Pilgrims, and separatists with guns. McDonald's, Abner Louima, and Holocaust deniers. Political correctness, identity politics, and the murder of a cop in Staten Island.

Islam, Amadou Diallo, and the IRA. Israel, the government we deserve, and the ACLU. African Americans viewed as a nation, political apathy, and the scheduled taxi strike.

Canada, capital punishment, and a Muslim's refusal to unveil for a drivers license picture. Age-appropriate relationships, Stephon Marbury's sneakers, and bus riders declining to offer a seat to a mother with toddlers.

Sikhs, the searching of turbans, and stiletto heels. H.G. Wells, "The Time Machine," and the demographics of African nations. "Londonistan," Christian missionaries, and subway goers ignoring the plight of a blind man.

Staten Island, Native Americans, and Tammany Hall Democrats. The Bronx, Irish cops, and hyphenated Americans. Brooklyn, the TWU, and girls gone wild.

Queens, celebutante follies, and ethnic enclaves. Wakefield, press credibility, and cultural homogenization. Patriotism, demographics, and hip-hop music.

The "N word," Jewish expletives, and the Constitution. Don Imus, the National Endowment for the Arts, and campus speech codes. Lookism, PBS, and the First Amendment.

Laughism, censorship, and the Reverend Al Sharpton. Libertarianism, the National Endowment for the Humanities, and middle-class radicalism. The Settlements, Bush 41, and corporate America.

Maturity, "Land for Peace," and pride in one's work. Wisdom, the Ten Commandments, and Japan's Living National Treasures. The rat race, the Taliban, and the destruction of ancient Buddhist statues.

Newsstands, the suburbs, and the Israeli character. Philadelphia, retirement accounts, and the Jewish vote. Afghanistan, ethnic stereotyping, and Tom Ognibene. Immigration, feminism, and "Blade Runner." Personal responsibility, subletting, and suicide bombers. Women's rights, the city's economy, and real vs. artificial.

Cheesecake, assimilated Jews, and the smoking ban. Iraq, the nanny state, and the black middle class. Civil liberties, the trans-fat crackdown, and children suing their parents.

Chauvinism, family reunions, and disciplining youngsters. Teachers seducing students, cell phones at airports, and similarities between cousins. Sex objects, reform synagogues, and a woman seeking damages when her coffee burned her.

Romance, Sharia law, and Italian husbands. John Garfield, Ida Lupino, and Irish boyfriends. Charlie Chaplin, Alfred Hitchcock, and Orson Welles.

The Oscar for Best Director, Mark McGwire, and "Detour" ('45). Steroids, ethnic partisans, and "The Hitch-Hiker" ('53). Groupthink, father figures, and children of divorce.

John Edwards, rent stabilization, and the NYU suicides. Egypt, newspaper gigs, and the Blue Wall of Silence. COMPSTAT, the "Cape Fear" remake, and the Grand Central explosion.

Sukhreet Gabel, Hillary Clinton, and the Palestinians. Fox News, Christiane Amanpour, and American obesity. CNN, inebriated youth, and the Land of Plenty. Faith, welfare, and values. Taxes, manners, and Kuwait. Chabad, immigration, and bias against New Yorkers.

The light of evening, the grassroots vote, and a freshening breeze. The Yankees, exchanging numbers, and the sadness of farewell.

Garsh, Gooly Merle, looka here! Them thar New York City folk gotta whole lots a book larnin. Sure seems a mite different than us Virginians gettin our fun offa them thar dawg fights that Wookie, Whoopie er whate’r that thar gals name is said ‘bout us.

(Translation: Context is everything? Am I supposed to be bowled over by standard cocktail chitcat?)

Huh? After the first three semicoherent paragraphs it looked like someone just took a copy of the Sunday New York Times, dropped it in a shredder and then pasted together words and phrases at random from the scraps.

If you give an infinite number of chimps typewriters one of them will type Hamlet. The author of this one didn't.

3 posted on 09/07/2007 11:03:49 AM PDT by KarlInOhio (May the heirs of Charles Martel and Jan Sobieski rise up again to defend Europe.)

Good heavens! You’d think they would have discussed the failure of Sinclair Lewis and the Progressive writers of the early 20th C to anticipate trends in capitalism and labor, or perhaps the newest techniques to eradicate malaria and Shistosomiasis in Africa?

What piffle!

Pavarotti dies, Fred Thompson announces, and Marc-Yves Tumin writes some stream-of-consciousness garbage for the Irish Examiner.

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