The reason Northern and Midwestern states eschewed slavery of blacks was that it didn’t work in their farm & factory economies. Had it been advantageous to them, they would have had as many slaves as the South.
But agree that many of the free states were such because they could more easily afford to do away with slavery.
Going along with your opinion, 'kinder' slave states were located in the north of slave territory, in states such as Maryland, Kentucky, and Missouri. Meanwhile, being sold 'down [the Mississippi] river' was an especially cruel fate for slaves.
Not all slaves worked in the fields. Many, perhaps most worked in or around the house as cooks, maids, nursemaids, butlers, gardeners, grooms, what have you. If it were strictly an economic matter then there is no reason why such slaves wouldn't have thrived in the North as well.