FReeper Canteen~Humor Break~05Oct.06

[AZamericonnie]

 

Humor Break



ID Check

A few years back one of the new Marines at the Barracks at Yorktown, VA was standing post at the main gate of the Naval Weapons Station. The policy was to check 100% of ID cards including military in uniform. A Navy sedan drove up to the gate with a young seaman at the wheel and a rear admiral sitting in the back. The young PFC signaled for the car to stop, approached the driver, and asked to see both ID cards. The admiral told the Marine that he was on his way to meet with the station CO and didn't have time for such nonsense....

Admiral to driver: "Go ahead."

...PFC to driver: "Don't do that."

...Admiral to driver: "You heard me, Drive on."

...PFC to Admiral as he draws his .45:

"Sir, this is my first time on post. Do I shoot you or your driver?"

The admiral showed his ID.



~~Superman Returns Game~~



~~Drunk Stop~~



Air Force

Recently I was given a list of actual responses made to squawks, the Air Force term for maintenance complaints by pilots.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."

~~Lazy Ramadi~~


Awwww......:)

~~Ping Pong Anyone?~~



~~Don't Touch My Bone~~

A little too hooah

Your kids call the sandbox "NTC".
Your wife has mermites in the China Cabinet.
Your older kids call the youngest one "Cherry".
When your wife left you, you had a Change of Command.
Your wife carries a buttpack instead of a Gucci purse.
Your kids would rather get SIMNET than Nintendo 64.
When your family gets together, you call them "Slice Elements".
You butter your toast with a bayonet.
If your kids get a wrong answer in school they immediately drop and knock out 20.
Your personal license plate says "At Ease".
All of your kids' names begin with "AR".
Your grandmother won the Week of the Eagles.
Your POV has your name stenciled on the windshield.
Anyone using the TV remote control must dispatch it first.
Your kids are hand receipt holders.
Your kids practice Drill and Ceremony at recess.
Your dog's name is "Ranger".
Your kids pull night guard shifts by the mailbox.
Your wife has a better high and tight than your commander.
Your kids sound off with "Airborne" or "Air Assault" every time their left foot hits the ground.
Your wife won't buy anything unless it has a National Stock Number.
Your kids have to wax and buff the floor before going to school.
When your dog died, he got a 21-gun salute at Arlington.
Your kids call their teachers "REMFs" and the other kids at school "legs."
Your daughter's dolls wear starched uniforms.
Your daughter complained that her new Barbie's hair wasn't within regulation and then cut it.
If your kids fail a test, they get a Letter of Reprimand and an Article 15.
Your kids salute their grandparents.
Your kids get an LES with their allowance.
All your meals at home are MREs.
Your kids painted their Big Wheels camouflage and stuck bumper numbers on them.
All your household possessions were issued by CIF.
Your kids get sent to the "big house" at Leavenworth if they're disrespectful.
Your kids complain if they can't have gym class five days a week.
Everyone does six pullups before sitting down at the dinner table.

~~A Perfect Car For Women~~





**This Link Rated PG**

Just a little levity for our Troops & their families. Have at it folks!

[SandRat]

Yep they are.

I'll be dashing off from FR in just under an hour, (Scout meeting; couldn't guess could-ya?) and be gone until 9ish local time.

[NYTexan]

Chance is a good boy.

Yeah, till he spots a cat! LOL

[TASMANIANRED]

With my pair it cats and squirrels..

[SandRat]

The Army recognizes that in this time of war, we are all Soldiers for freedom. We, as Soldiers, respond to the Call to Duty, which binds us to our service and guides our actions as guardians and defenders of freedom. This service would not be possible without a strong support network. Freedom Team Salute recognizes those supporters who make it possible for Soldiers to serve our country. FTS provides all Soldiers - Active Duty, National Guard and Reserve - with the opportunity to recognize and honor our parents, spouses, and employers who make our service possible. FTS additionally recognizes and honors veteran Soldiers of all generations for their legacy of freedom, duty, and honor to our country and for their continued support of the Army mission.

Log on to http://www.freedomteamsalute.com to nominate a spouse, parent, employer (for RC Soldiers) and a veteran today!

Thank you for what you do for our Army and our nation.

With great respect,

Colonel T. Scott Lloyd
Director, Freedom Team Salute

[68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub]

Click on the pic and I'll guide you
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[luvie]

That is an awesome picture of Chancie! Glad I cruised by here so I got to see it!

[MS.BEHAVIN]

TT!!!
*HUG*
I sure hope you can make it to Maine!
Ms.B

[Allegra]

No rain yet, and now skies are cleared with no threat.

Yep...not a freakin' cloud in the sky this morning. It's nice, though....there's that autumnal lighting and the heat isn't as oppressive as it was a month or two ago.

Don't worry...it WIIL rain here eventually. I know it's hard to believe when you haven't been here for a rainy season yet.

You'll be cussing that mud along with the rest of us before you know it. (And jumping in the puddles while someone takes pictures for us.)

[Arrowhead1952]

Thanks Kathy. I'm off today, so I may play on FR some now and then.

[GodBlessUSA]

Ziggy!! I haven't seen Ziggy in such a long time. :)
Hi LadyJag,
TGIF! Yay. ;)

[GodBlessUSA]

I have to show my daughter Ziggy comics. She doesn't know him. LOL He's so sweet. :)

[Lady Jag]

[Lady Jag]

Here are some flowers for your little girl -

[RebelTex]

Pinging my humor ping list - freepmail me if you want on or off this list.
(This is usually a low volume ping)

My apologies to those who have already seen this. I got in late, but it's got a lot of good stuff so I wanted to be sure y'all have the opportunity to see it. If you haven't already seen it, it's best to start at the top so you don't miss anything.

FReegards,
RT

[Sonora]