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THE LARK PROGRAM (Worth a re-run)
E-mail | 28 August 2006 | Unknown

Posted on 08/28/2006 5:48:13 PM PDT by Aussie Dasher

A Lady libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in GuantanamoBay.

She received back the following reply:

The White House 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, D.C. 20016

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Quaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay,Cuba.

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington.

You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program,to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.

We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are Commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will r ecommend as more appropriate attire.

I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka -- over time.

Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember..we'll be watching.

Good luck!

Cordially, your friend, Don Rumsfeld


TOPICS: Constitution/Conservatism; Foreign Affairs; Government; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons; War on Terror
KEYWORDS: liberals; moozies; rummy; wot
I know this was posted months ago but it's good enough for a re-run!

Do you reckon Rummy just might have actually sent out something similar?

1 posted on 08/28/2006 5:48:14 PM PDT by Aussie Dasher
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To: Aussie Dasher

Yeah, this is right on. I got a copy of this in an email last week and forwarded it on to a former liberal coworkerlady .


2 posted on 08/28/2006 5:50:43 PM PDT by rj45mis
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To: Aussie Dasher

We can only wish.


3 posted on 08/28/2006 5:51:48 PM PDT by GulfBreeze (No one can show me one shred of evidence that atheists even exist.)
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To: Aussie Dasher
I missed it the first time around. Thanks for posting. Very, very funny.

Perhaps we should close Gitmo and send all of the captive beasts to Camp Casey. They will find lots of love and understanding there.

4 posted on 08/28/2006 5:53:11 PM PDT by JustaDumbBlonde
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To: Aussie Dasher

Good one!


5 posted on 08/28/2006 5:53:46 PM PDT by Socratic ("I'll have the roast duck with the mango salsa.")
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To: Aussie Dasher

If he didn't, he should have. Good read.


6 posted on 08/28/2006 5:54:51 PM PDT by medic12
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To: Aussie Dasher

Thanks for reposting. I missed it the first time, will take it down to work and hang it on my wall. Where people walk by.


7 posted on 08/28/2006 6:01:12 PM PDT by bboop (Stealth Tutor)
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To: Aussie Dasher

Gotta wonder how libertarian morphs into liberal in this post. They're about as similar as cats and dogs.


8 posted on 08/28/2006 6:06:09 PM PDT by saganite (Billions and billions and billions-------and that's just the NASA budget!)
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To: saganite

"Gotta wonder how libertarian morphs into liberal in this post. They're about as similar as cats and dogs."


There is the Jeffersonian wing of Libertarians that are extremely anti-war. And they are as different as cats and dogs from those of us that think of ourselves as Jacksonian Libertarians.


9 posted on 08/28/2006 8:39:39 PM PDT by Eagle74 (From time to time the tree of liberty must be watered with the blood of tyrants and patriots)
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